Surgery is over!!! Hubby's eye is patched and he is snoring away in his painkiller-induced sleep.
It all went well. The cysts were removed without bursting and a gas bubble is pushing the retina back into place nicely. And might i add.....the eye patch is quite becoming on Hubby!!! :)
I may post often this weekend; there may be no posts at all. It really depends on how Hubby is doing with the recovery (its going to be harder than he thought it would be!) and how many good stories I have about the entire recovery process. My gut instinct tells me that this could be pretty story-full (check it out--I made up a word!!). In the past, when he has been inthe hospital for any length of time, I end up with some great stories. I promise to share.
Its late and I am exhausted. Up at 4 am, at the hospital at 6 am, sit in the waiting room all alone until 1:30, and finally get Hubby home at 3:30.
Grace is staying at her grandma's house for a day or so until Daddy is a little better. Man....do I miss her! A Grace hug and kiss is just what this wife/nurse needs.
8/31/06
8/29/06
One order of smiles, please!
After a stressful week and Hubby's surgery just around the corner, I am in a MAJOR need for some smiles and precious pictures of my little girl. And so I bring you.........Picture Post.
Getting ready with the all the bridesmaids before Aunt Meghan's wedding. When you wear such a pretty dress, OF COURSE you should chew the edges before the big event!!!
Getting ready with the all the bridesmaids before Aunt Meghan's wedding. When you wear such a pretty dress, OF COURSE you should chew the edges before the big event!!!
FINALLY, a fmaily portrait that we all look good! Definitely need to get a large print on this one to frame in the house. 8x10 or 11x14? What do you think?!
The prettiest flower girl ever.....not that I am completly biased. Seriously, she is gorgeous!!!
The casual look of Grace hanging out at Aunt Meghan's house in her preppy outfit. How stylish.
Okay, I dont think I even need to put a caption on this one cause its the most precious, adorable, silliest, most perfect picture of my Grace!
Big girls don't cry---we just bitch about it....in silence
Why do people always try to make things harder than they need to be!? Seriously! I have no time for crap right now and that's all I am getting......at work, at home, everywhere.
Conference is a mere 31 days away. I have volunteers, speakers, and exhibitors to organize; I have staff travel plans to make; menus need to be finalized; budget needs updating and balancing; and when do you suggest I find time to review all the option for the 2008 and 2009 conferences!? There are so many Cheifs right now that all the little Indians dont know which way to turn so they all turn to me as if I hold all the magic keys to answers. Well, guess what folks?! I am as blind as you are in some apects cause people keep going around me to get the same information I sent 3 weeks ago! Make a decision already damn it!
At home, there is so much to do that I cannot
get on top of it. The house needs to be cleaned; laundry is piled up ready to be put away, ironed, or washed; the home office has needed an organization weekend since we moved in over a year ago; and one day I would really like to see the floor of my garage! But no time for all that lately.
I feel like a zombie, going through the motions of my life. Wake up, get myseld ready for work, let the dog out, get Grace ready for day care/wake Hubby up as I walk out the door, work 8 hours at the office, drive home to pick up Grace, make dinner, put Grace to bed, do s few chores around the house as long as they dont take all night, turn the ciomputer back on to get some more work done, go to sleep........and on and on day after day.
Words come out of my mouth all day and night. I talk and talk and talk......to co-workers, family, friends, Grace, the car stereo, whoever and whatever is there. So why do I feel like the brick wall is the only thing listening? I am heard but who actually listens to me these days!? I am a broken record (I know that!!!) but obviously I am trying to say something. If you know what that something is, let me know...I would really appreciate it. Even when I do know what I am trying to say, I either cant find the words or I go back to the things my mother told me over and over as a child.
I am probably singing the same song that every other mother/busy person in the world sings but damn it, its my song and I want to complain for just a moment. I never complain aloud about these things. Or if I do say something about it, I make it into a joke, even when its not. There are times I am so frustarated/overwhelmned/exhausted that all I want to do is cry. But I was always told growing up that "dont cry over nothing. Be strong about it" so crying is not much of an option for me. Suck it up and deal with it. Move on. Dont actually show emotion to the outside world cause then you are weak and who wants a weak wife/mom/friend/daughter/sister/coworker/etc!?
Damn it!
Conference is a mere 31 days away. I have volunteers, speakers, and exhibitors to organize; I have staff travel plans to make; menus need to be finalized; budget needs updating and balancing; and when do you suggest I find time to review all the option for the 2008 and 2009 conferences!? There are so many Cheifs right now that all the little Indians dont know which way to turn so they all turn to me as if I hold all the magic keys to answers. Well, guess what folks?! I am as blind as you are in some apects cause people keep going around me to get the same information I sent 3 weeks ago! Make a decision already damn it!
At home, there is so much to do that I cannot
get on top of it. The house needs to be cleaned; laundry is piled up ready to be put away, ironed, or washed; the home office has needed an organization weekend since we moved in over a year ago; and one day I would really like to see the floor of my garage! But no time for all that lately. I feel like a zombie, going through the motions of my life. Wake up, get myseld ready for work, let the dog out, get Grace ready for day care/wake Hubby up as I walk out the door, work 8 hours at the office, drive home to pick up Grace, make dinner, put Grace to bed, do s few chores around the house as long as they dont take all night, turn the ciomputer back on to get some more work done, go to sleep........and on and on day after day.
Words come out of my mouth all day and night. I talk and talk and talk......to co-workers, family, friends, Grace, the car stereo, whoever and whatever is there. So why do I feel like the brick wall is the only thing listening? I am heard but who actually listens to me these days!? I am a broken record (I know that!!!) but obviously I am trying to say something. If you know what that something is, let me know...I would really appreciate it. Even when I do know what I am trying to say, I either cant find the words or I go back to the things my mother told me over and over as a child.
I am probably singing the same song that every other mother/busy person in the world sings but damn it, its my song and I want to complain for just a moment. I never complain aloud about these things. Or if I do say something about it, I make it into a joke, even when its not. There are times I am so frustarated/overwhelmned/exhausted that all I want to do is cry. But I was always told growing up that "dont cry over nothing. Be strong about it" so crying is not much of an option for me. Suck it up and deal with it. Move on. Dont actually show emotion to the outside world cause then you are weak and who wants a weak wife/mom/friend/daughter/sister/coworker/etc!?
Damn it!
8/26/06
Marfan Syndrome
UPDATE: SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR 8:30 AM ON THURSDAY MORNING!
I have mentioned it before.....Marfan Syndrome. Hubby was diagnosed in the mid-70s as a child and, for the most part, hasnt had many serious issues related to Marfan's. Well, there was the mitral valve prolapse that he lives with and the staph infection on his heart during college and I shouldn't forget the aortic dissection almost 4 years ago.
And now, retinal detachment.
For the past few weeks, Hubby has been complaining that the vision in his right eye was getting worse. At first, we thought it was that he needed a new prescription so he made an appointment at the optometrist and told them he had Marfan Syndrome. Retinal detachment is more common in Marfan patients than in the normal population so it was a concern from the begiining (so it cataracts but since Hubby's lenses were removed, no risk there for him!). Well, 5 weeks later when the doctor finally had an appointment open, the diagnosis is a retina that is hanging on by a small section. The spaces created from the detached areas are full of cysts.
Surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning. Out of work for at least a week and driving is still TBD (though he says he will be able to drive just fine after surgery!).
My biggest fear (and I think his as well) is the risks of this particular surgery. The doctor, who has done surgery on Marfan patients many times, is a good doc. He is experienced, confident, and seems to be pretty detailed. However, there is no way to tell at this point, until the doctor is in surgery, if he can save the vision in Hubby's right eye. That is my fear; that I will be sitting in the waiting room, flipping through magazines when the doc comes out to tell me he couldnt save the vision. Sure, you have 2 eyes but I just cant imagine only seeing out of one side of your head! What life changes will we have to make? What does it mean long term for his other eye?
Again, so many questions and so few answers.
I have mentioned it before.....Marfan Syndrome. Hubby was diagnosed in the mid-70s as a child and, for the most part, hasnt had many serious issues related to Marfan's. Well, there was the mitral valve prolapse that he lives with and the staph infection on his heart during college and I shouldn't forget the aortic dissection almost 4 years ago.
And now, retinal detachment.
For the past few weeks, Hubby has been complaining that the vision in his right eye was getting worse. At first, we thought it was that he needed a new prescription so he made an appointment at the optometrist and told them he had Marfan Syndrome. Retinal detachment is more common in Marfan patients than in the normal population so it was a concern from the begiining (so it cataracts but since Hubby's lenses were removed, no risk there for him!). Well, 5 weeks later when the doctor finally had an appointment open, the diagnosis is a retina that is hanging on by a small section. The spaces created from the detached areas are full of cysts.
Surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning. Out of work for at least a week and driving is still TBD (though he says he will be able to drive just fine after surgery!).
My biggest fear (and I think his as well) is the risks of this particular surgery. The doctor, who has done surgery on Marfan patients many times, is a good doc. He is experienced, confident, and seems to be pretty detailed. However, there is no way to tell at this point, until the doctor is in surgery, if he can save the vision in Hubby's right eye. That is my fear; that I will be sitting in the waiting room, flipping through magazines when the doc comes out to tell me he couldnt save the vision. Sure, you have 2 eyes but I just cant imagine only seeing out of one side of your head! What life changes will we have to make? What does it mean long term for his other eye?
Again, so many questions and so few answers.
8/24/06
Happy Birthday, Katy
Funny. Beautiful. Loving. Supportive. Motherly. Did I mention hysterical!? Strong.
All these words describe my mother in law, Katy. Well, these words tell you a little about her. Words cannot truly describe Katy. If you knew her, you already know that. But for those of you who never had the chance to know the most amazing person in the world, maybe you will leave this post feeling that you knew her, even just a little.
She was the first person to know about my impending engagement to her baby boy. Katy cried her eyes out when I showed her the ring on my finger the next day. She and I used to sit in the family room, smoking cigs, watching NYPD Blue and Dave Letterman every Tuesday night. In fact, that is where I sat, 3 1/2 months pregnant, tying ribbon on wedding invitations (no cigs that night!). She was so supportive of Hubby and I from the first day we started dating. She was in the only one who KNEW from the very beginning of my pregnancy that I was having a girl, even when I SWORE I had the boy instinct (obviously I was wrong and Katy was right!). I loved her from the moment I met her, years ago now.
Katy lived with Multiple Sclerosis for over 25 years, 15 of which were spent as a quadrapelgic. She died on March 28, 2004; 14 days before Grace was born. The last moment I spent with Katy was just an hour before she passed away. I climbed up on her bed (she was at home for the death process and with all her children; just the way she would have wanted it) and my sister in law laid her arm across my HUGE belly. At that very moment, Grace kicked. They had their own private moment. Even today, we call Grace "Katy's Angel".
Today, August 24, is Katy's birthday. We celebrate each year with Rueben sandwiches; they were her favorite.
Katy----wherever you are today, we love you and we miss you so much. Thank you for sending us your little angel.....she is taking good care of your baby boy and of her mommy.
All these words describe my mother in law, Katy. Well, these words tell you a little about her. Words cannot truly describe Katy. If you knew her, you already know that. But for those of you who never had the chance to know the most amazing person in the world, maybe you will leave this post feeling that you knew her, even just a little.
She was the first person to know about my impending engagement to her baby boy. Katy cried her eyes out when I showed her the ring on my finger the next day. She and I used to sit in the family room, smoking cigs, watching NYPD Blue and Dave Letterman every Tuesday night. In fact, that is where I sat, 3 1/2 months pregnant, tying ribbon on wedding invitations (no cigs that night!). She was so supportive of Hubby and I from the first day we started dating. She was in the only one who KNEW from the very beginning of my pregnancy that I was having a girl, even when I SWORE I had the boy instinct (obviously I was wrong and Katy was right!). I loved her from the moment I met her, years ago now.
Katy lived with Multiple Sclerosis for over 25 years, 15 of which were spent as a quadrapelgic. She died on March 28, 2004; 14 days before Grace was born. The last moment I spent with Katy was just an hour before she passed away. I climbed up on her bed (she was at home for the death process and with all her children; just the way she would have wanted it) and my sister in law laid her arm across my HUGE belly. At that very moment, Grace kicked. They had their own private moment. Even today, we call Grace "Katy's Angel".
Today, August 24, is Katy's birthday. We celebrate each year with Rueben sandwiches; they were her favorite.
Katy----wherever you are today, we love you and we miss you so much. Thank you for sending us your little angel.....she is taking good care of your baby boy and of her mommy.
Am I Good Enough!?
Celebrate Motherhood! Swirling hearts embrace each other as a mother holds her child; the Celtic Knot of Motherhood.
This post inspired by............Kristen, aka Mother of Motherhood Uncensored.I read her blog every single day. In fact, I usually visit a few times a day because she gets the BEST comments! Today, as I sit at my desk with my venti iced extra pump vanilla latte, I got all sorts of teary reading her post. This one, this is the post!!!
She hit the nail on the head. Everywhere we turn, there are pictures of Perfect Mommy---you know the one with manicured hands, walking her designer-clad child down the street on her way to the playgroup that she heads up. Maybe she works, maybe she doesnt. It really doesnt matter because everything she does is perfect and you just know her child will end up perfect as well. Because she does it all right!
I dont want to be Perfect Mommy, anymore. I admit that there was a time that I thought I was her and that I should be her and damn anyone who questioned my parenting skills. But now that I have 2 1/2 years under my belt in this motherhood game, I realize that I am as clueless as I was 2 1/2 years ago when I left the hospital with baby in arms. Now, I dont strive to be Perfect Mommy; Good Enough Mommy works for me!
Yes, of course I want Gracie to grow up to be the smartest, coolest, prettiest, and best person in the world. I want her to have everything she wants and not have to want for anything. Most of all, I just dont want to be the reason she is screwed up. Is that too much to ask!?
A few of my friends are parents. Some are trying for baby #1. Some are years away from parenthood. I was one of the first in our close group of friends to become a Mom. It was scary as hell. Seriously, I thought I would be the outcast; the one never able to hang out or have fun because I had a kid. Well, my friends proved me wrong and now Grace has a whole bunch of "other mothers and fathers" to protect her from being too screwed up. I always feel like I am doling out parenting advice to my friends and sure, I think I am right. Grace is still alive and is thriving so there must be some piece of parenting that I am good at. But really, guys, I am just telling you what worked for me and Grace. All mothers do things differently; none better than the next, just different.
Mommy Wars has always been the big Motherhood Controversary. But maybe in the real world of motherhood, the fight is in ourselves to simply be good moms/parents. Not perfect but good enough.
8/23/06
Why? Because I Said So!
This is the second time I have posted this----damn Blogger!!!
It begins.
Hubby is home with the sick toddler today and I called to check on the two of them earlier. Before I hung up and got back to the LONG spreadsheet I am working on, Hubby told me a story......one that I really didnt want to hear for at least 6 more months!!
It went like this:
Hubby: Grace was playing with the Culligan water dispenser in the kitchen and I told her "Stop Grace".
Me: Okay????
Hubby: Well, she stopped and looked at me for a minute before she said "Why?". And I told her because its not a toy. And she said "Why" again!
Me: OH NO!!!!! The Why Game? How long did that last!?
Hubby: She only asked twice but it has begun!!!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, folks.......the Why Game.....it is in its beginning stages at my house. I thought I had a few more months before it began but, I guess I was wrong.
Now my mind is spinning, trying to come up with all the answers I can think of to the question "Why?". Because. I dont know. Why not. Thats just how it is. No clue. 'Cause I am the mom/dad, thats why. If I give you ice cream, will you stop asking why!!!!
If that is my entire aresenal for the Why Game, I am in BIG trouble!
It begins.
Hubby is home with the sick toddler today and I called to check on the two of them earlier. Before I hung up and got back to the LONG spreadsheet I am working on, Hubby told me a story......one that I really didnt want to hear for at least 6 more months!!
It went like this:
Hubby: Grace was playing with the Culligan water dispenser in the kitchen and I told her "Stop Grace".
Me: Okay????
Hubby: Well, she stopped and looked at me for a minute before she said "Why?". And I told her because its not a toy. And she said "Why" again!
Me: OH NO!!!!! The Why Game? How long did that last!?
Hubby: She only asked twice but it has begun!!!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, folks.......the Why Game.....it is in its beginning stages at my house. I thought I had a few more months before it began but, I guess I was wrong.
Now my mind is spinning, trying to come up with all the answers I can think of to the question "Why?". Because. I dont know. Why not. Thats just how it is. No clue. 'Cause I am the mom/dad, thats why. If I give you ice cream, will you stop asking why!!!!
If that is my entire aresenal for the Why Game, I am in BIG trouble!
8/22/06
Much Needed Break, however small
Somehow Grace just knows. She knows when I have a big meeting planned or when my work to-do list has reached its overload point. And those are the moments she decides it time for a sick day!
My conference is 41 days away. My conference to-do list is 2 full pages long when printed. Hubby has 3,000 cases of wine being delivered to a store in FL tomrorow and needs to balance the bills today for that delivery. And today at 9 am, day care called to say "Come pick up Grace! She's sick!".
I spent from 7:30 - 9 driving to the office this morning and then 9:30 - 12 noon driving back to day care and then on the doc's office. Normally, a tour of Northern VIrginia isnt a big deal but today was not the day for it with all the things to do and all the construction workers rushing through projects to cpmplete before school starts (think: worse traffic than normal!).
Now that we are home with a disgnosis of "some sort of upper respiratory infection" and Grace is done for a nap, I realize that maybe Grace has the right idea. Stress level has hit the ceiling at work and yesterday I was totally irritated at everything. I needed a break. And now I have it...sort of. Grace is home sick whichmeans I get to sit on my couch, watch all those court tv shows, and work on my laptop.
Yes, Grace knows just when Mommy needs a break from the normal schedule.
My conference is 41 days away. My conference to-do list is 2 full pages long when printed. Hubby has 3,000 cases of wine being delivered to a store in FL tomrorow and needs to balance the bills today for that delivery. And today at 9 am, day care called to say "Come pick up Grace! She's sick!".
I spent from 7:30 - 9 driving to the office this morning and then 9:30 - 12 noon driving back to day care and then on the doc's office. Normally, a tour of Northern VIrginia isnt a big deal but today was not the day for it with all the things to do and all the construction workers rushing through projects to cpmplete before school starts (think: worse traffic than normal!).
Now that we are home with a disgnosis of "some sort of upper respiratory infection" and Grace is done for a nap, I realize that maybe Grace has the right idea. Stress level has hit the ceiling at work and yesterday I was totally irritated at everything. I needed a break. And now I have it...sort of. Grace is home sick whichmeans I get to sit on my couch, watch all those court tv shows, and work on my laptop.Yes, Grace knows just when Mommy needs a break from the normal schedule.
8/20/06
Snip Snip Snip
After weeks of fighting and kicking and pulling and straightening and curling, I give up. See.....Hair....here is my white flag of surrender. I need a haircut BAD.
My hairdresser, Dennis, is so fabulous. And I use fabulous in so many forms here.....1) He's a good hair dresser and 2) He is a Faboulous dresser, fashionista, and all those other things to be when you walk around with Kool-Aid red hair down to the middle of your back, long fingernails painted black, and women's pants from the Limited (he SWEARS they make the best pant!). Dennis did my hair for senior prom and my wedding. He is the one person I have allowed to cut my long hair short and he is the one who convinced me to cut long bangs once again. I see hime twice a year; I would see him more often but I cant afford to see him more than that at $65 a visit! ANd thats just a haircut. If I ever decide to start highlighting my hair again, the visit will be almost as much as my monthly car payment!!!
Anyways, its been MUCH longer than 6 months since I have seen my Dennis. My hair hates me right now. Its horrble. Reminds me a little of Medusa, actually!!! I cant do anything to it to make me look like a regular person these days and so up in a ponytail holder it goes each morning.
Here is my dilemma: Dennis has been with my hair for 10 years. He has seen me through short brown bobs to shoulder length bottle blonde Jennifer-Anniston-inspired cuts and now to the long layered natural colored cut. But I am bored. I am tired of the same old haircut that will never actually do anything, no matter how much time or product I commit to the project. My sister has a great hair dresser. I met him at her wedding. I am SO tempted to let him cut my hair this time. But honestly, I feel like I am cheating on Dennis.
Does anyone else feel this committed to a hair stylist? Or am I just totally wierd?
Once that is decided, then I have to figure out what the hell to do with my Medusa-Do. Hubby loves it long...I am tired of spending 20 minute sjust drying my hair. I need something that will let me put it up during those crazy times at work but something that will look (at least) decent after a decent amount of time in the morning.
Any ideas are welcome!!!!!! Tired of the same old thing but nothing too drastic!!!!
My hairdresser, Dennis, is so fabulous. And I use fabulous in so many forms here.....1) He's a good hair dresser and 2) He is a Faboulous dresser, fashionista, and all those other things to be when you walk around with Kool-Aid red hair down to the middle of your back, long fingernails painted black, and women's pants from the Limited (he SWEARS they make the best pant!). Dennis did my hair for senior prom and my wedding. He is the one person I have allowed to cut my long hair short and he is the one who convinced me to cut long bangs once again. I see hime twice a year; I would see him more often but I cant afford to see him more than that at $65 a visit! ANd thats just a haircut. If I ever decide to start highlighting my hair again, the visit will be almost as much as my monthly car payment!!!
Anyways, its been MUCH longer than 6 months since I have seen my Dennis. My hair hates me right now. Its horrble. Reminds me a little of Medusa, actually!!! I cant do anything to it to make me look like a regular person these days and so up in a ponytail holder it goes each morning.
Here is my dilemma: Dennis has been with my hair for 10 years. He has seen me through short brown bobs to shoulder length bottle blonde Jennifer-Anniston-inspired cuts and now to the long layered natural colored cut. But I am bored. I am tired of the same old haircut that will never actually do anything, no matter how much time or product I commit to the project. My sister has a great hair dresser. I met him at her wedding. I am SO tempted to let him cut my hair this time. But honestly, I feel like I am cheating on Dennis.
Does anyone else feel this committed to a hair stylist? Or am I just totally wierd?
Once that is decided, then I have to figure out what the hell to do with my Medusa-Do. Hubby loves it long...I am tired of spending 20 minute sjust drying my hair. I need something that will let me put it up during those crazy times at work but something that will look (at least) decent after a decent amount of time in the morning.
Any ideas are welcome!!!!!! Tired of the same old thing but nothing too drastic!!!!
8/17/06
FIddle-dee-dee
Ever read the same book over and over and over again? Does it ever get old? Do the twists and turns ever seem so predictable or are they as surprising to you as the first time you read it?
Gone With The Wind is that book in my life. Scarlett O'Hara is my heroine. I love her. If I could be one famous literary character, that's who I would be. I even tried to convince my hubby to name our baby Scarlet if it was a girl (once we decided on Grace, I stil tried to get Scarlet as her middle name).
Have you read the book? If not, run to Barnes and Nobles now and pick up a copy. You wont be the same.
"I can't think about that now. I will think about that tomorrow." Scarlett says it constantly throughout the book. I say it everyday; if not aloud, to myself. Why is that? Recently, I feel myself slipping....slipping into parts of myself that I have not met in years. Since college, really. I think its been that long or maybe I have simply been trying to ignore myself.
Scarlett is a survivor. She lives in a complicated world; turning from young Southern Belle to widow and mother to business owner in a matter of a few short years in a time that did not value opinions coming from the lips of women. Even if you think she was a selfish bitch, you have to admit that she survived; she made it through the best way she knew how.
No, I dont live in a world like hers, with a war literally happening in my front yard. Nope, I dont have to worry about the Yankees stealing the last cow left in the County. I know that I live a pretty nice life. But honestly, I am really good at putting up fronts too. I can feel the fronts falling down and I cant seem to get my arms under them to keep them up for much longer!
Like Scarlett, I have an anger/forgiveness issue. In the book, Scarlett loses things that mean everything to her because she realizes too late how important they are to her survival. I dont want that to be me. I want my anger to go away; I want to trust and love and all that. I want to be able to feel happy and actually live in the moment.
Reading this book again this summer reminds me that, like Scarlett, I have survived my own problems in life and am doing okay. But there is always something else or someone else to deal with right around the corner. Scarlett and I are independant women, to a fault. I am learning her lesson for the both of us and hopefully wont have to learn the hard way like she did.
Now the question is: where do I start?
Gone With The Wind is that book in my life. Scarlett O'Hara is my heroine. I love her. If I could be one famous literary character, that's who I would be. I even tried to convince my hubby to name our baby Scarlet if it was a girl (once we decided on Grace, I stil tried to get Scarlet as her middle name).Have you read the book? If not, run to Barnes and Nobles now and pick up a copy. You wont be the same.
"I can't think about that now. I will think about that tomorrow." Scarlett says it constantly throughout the book. I say it everyday; if not aloud, to myself. Why is that? Recently, I feel myself slipping....slipping into parts of myself that I have not met in years. Since college, really. I think its been that long or maybe I have simply been trying to ignore myself.
Scarlett is a survivor. She lives in a complicated world; turning from young Southern Belle to widow and mother to business owner in a matter of a few short years in a time that did not value opinions coming from the lips of women. Even if you think she was a selfish bitch, you have to admit that she survived; she made it through the best way she knew how.
No, I dont live in a world like hers, with a war literally happening in my front yard. Nope, I dont have to worry about the Yankees stealing the last cow left in the County. I know that I live a pretty nice life. But honestly, I am really good at putting up fronts too. I can feel the fronts falling down and I cant seem to get my arms under them to keep them up for much longer!
Like Scarlett, I have an anger/forgiveness issue. In the book, Scarlett loses things that mean everything to her because she realizes too late how important they are to her survival. I dont want that to be me. I want my anger to go away; I want to trust and love and all that. I want to be able to feel happy and actually live in the moment.
Reading this book again this summer reminds me that, like Scarlett, I have survived my own problems in life and am doing okay. But there is always something else or someone else to deal with right around the corner. Scarlett and I are independant women, to a fault. I am learning her lesson for the both of us and hopefully wont have to learn the hard way like she did.
Now the question is: where do I start?
8/15/06
And the Seashell Award Goes To.......
So-Called Supermom, for being the best wife in the world after catching Hubby's prescription sunglasses in the surf before they were swept away by the waves.
Hubby, for teaching his daughter how to play in the waves for the first time.
Grace (again!), for making "Sand Burial" quite adorable!
Grace (again!), for being a fantiastic "Pick A Duckie" player AND (yes, this is a multi-category award) for pulling off a "Pebbles Flintstones" hairstyle like no one else can!
8/14/06
Beach Baby
arning: Pictures have not left my camera yet but I promise to post the cutest ones on this post tonight!!! OKAY, BLOGGER WONT LET ME UPLOAD PICS!!!! SO ANNOYING!! AS SOON AS I CAN GET BLOGGER TO COOPERATE, YOU WILL SEE PICS HERE!!!
I have prided myself over the past 2 1/2 years of not being That Mom---the one who gets super anxious about everything that her child gets near. If Grace falls down and isnt really hurt, I teach her to get up and "shake it off". When she is whining, I dont just pick her up to quiet her down...I ask her to calm herself down and "use her words". Well, folks, I found the one thing that makes me "That Anxious, Overprotective to a Psychotic Degree Mom"; the ocean!
Grace has no fear. Absolutely NONE!
The first few minutes on the beach were a little rough. She didnt like the sand from the moment her little feet touched it on Saturday morning. I guess the sensation of your feet sinking into sand is pretty scary if you have never felt it before but after 5 minutes or so, Grace was digging holes with her "Aunt Cat" and "Uncle Mooch" and really liked to fill her Graco Pop-Tent with sand (despite Mommy wanting it to be sand-free!). And then Daddy brought her down to the water!!!
Again, the first few moments were iffy. Water coming at you in waves can be pretty intimidating!!! But, no worries---Grace took right to it. She would run away from the water and then let it "catch" her. Her favorite game to play in the water was sitting on the sand and letting the waves go right over her. Yes, folks, my daughter scared the hell out of me all day long in the water. The surf was really strong (I lost my sunglasses in the waves) but she loved the feeling of the waves receeding from the beach.......it would pull her with it so as I was holding on to her for dear life, she was letting her feet dangle and laughing hysterically!!!!
Yesterday, we spent the day on the Boardwalk. We had fresh squeezed lemonade (well, we had it until Grace dumped it all over herself!), bought a hermit crab who Grace has named "Me", and had soft serve ice cream. SO much fun!!!! And we couldnt leave the beach without the souvenier sweatshirts for all and the salt water taffy!!!
All in all, a great weekend at the beach. Grace really is a Beach Baby so it looks like we will have to take her back again soon. Tough life it is being a beach-loving family!!
I have prided myself over the past 2 1/2 years of not being That Mom---the one who gets super anxious about everything that her child gets near. If Grace falls down and isnt really hurt, I teach her to get up and "shake it off". When she is whining, I dont just pick her up to quiet her down...I ask her to calm herself down and "use her words". Well, folks, I found the one thing that makes me "That Anxious, Overprotective to a Psychotic Degree Mom"; the ocean!
Grace has no fear. Absolutely NONE!
The first few minutes on the beach were a little rough. She didnt like the sand from the moment her little feet touched it on Saturday morning. I guess the sensation of your feet sinking into sand is pretty scary if you have never felt it before but after 5 minutes or so, Grace was digging holes with her "Aunt Cat" and "Uncle Mooch" and really liked to fill her Graco Pop-Tent with sand (despite Mommy wanting it to be sand-free!). And then Daddy brought her down to the water!!!
Again, the first few moments were iffy. Water coming at you in waves can be pretty intimidating!!! But, no worries---Grace took right to it. She would run away from the water and then let it "catch" her. Her favorite game to play in the water was sitting on the sand and letting the waves go right over her. Yes, folks, my daughter scared the hell out of me all day long in the water. The surf was really strong (I lost my sunglasses in the waves) but she loved the feeling of the waves receeding from the beach.......it would pull her with it so as I was holding on to her for dear life, she was letting her feet dangle and laughing hysterically!!!!
Yesterday, we spent the day on the Boardwalk. We had fresh squeezed lemonade (well, we had it until Grace dumped it all over herself!), bought a hermit crab who Grace has named "Me", and had soft serve ice cream. SO much fun!!!! And we couldnt leave the beach without the souvenier sweatshirts for all and the salt water taffy!!!
All in all, a great weekend at the beach. Grace really is a Beach Baby so it looks like we will have to take her back again soon. Tough life it is being a beach-loving family!!
8/11/06
Beachbound!
Going to the beach this weekend! YEA!!! I havent layed on a beach in years and while simply laying on the beach in peace and quiet is close to impossible with a 2 year old, I still plan on enjoying myself!!!
We are taking her to the same beach I vacationed at as a child with my grandmother, the one who Grace's middle name comes from. Nana used to wear her big sunglasses and purple floppy hat and sit under an umbrella all day long but man, was she so cool!!!! Every year, we came
home with 1,275 of those stupid silk-screened t-shirts from the tourist-y boardwalk stores. Hermit crabs were always the best thing we acquired at the beach. Normally, they only lasted 2 weeks or so at my house but I had this one that, seriously, would not die......he lived for a year or so. But whatever, he had a cool shell so I liked him.
This weekend, Grace will wear a tacky silk-screened t-shirt and her first pet will be hermit crab from the boardwalk...........and I can't wait!
We are taking her to the same beach I vacationed at as a child with my grandmother, the one who Grace's middle name comes from. Nana used to wear her big sunglasses and purple floppy hat and sit under an umbrella all day long but man, was she so cool!!!! Every year, we came
home with 1,275 of those stupid silk-screened t-shirts from the tourist-y boardwalk stores. Hermit crabs were always the best thing we acquired at the beach. Normally, they only lasted 2 weeks or so at my house but I had this one that, seriously, would not die......he lived for a year or so. But whatever, he had a cool shell so I liked him.This weekend, Grace will wear a tacky silk-screened t-shirt and her first pet will be hermit crab from the boardwalk...........and I can't wait!
8/10/06
Buffett Concert----in Pictures
Okay, you saw some pretty good pics on L's site the other day. Because I have NO time to myself right now to spend blogging or chatting or anything else fun, I am simply posting pics today for all the enjoy!!!
This is me.....sitting on a pile of kegs at the beverage store where we stocked up on beer and ice at 9 am!!!
This, my friends, is how you tailgate at a Buffett show. All the comforts of home, except a/c!
Yes, this is my Hubby. And what a proud wife I am; not every man can pull off a lime wedge bra in publc!
Meet Hank. He belongs to Allie. Enough said.
Every Buffett tailgate needs a pool so here I am, standing in the ice water
that felt SO good on that 102 degree day.
8/9/06
Its Raining, Its Pouring, I wish I was Snoring!
UPDATE: With the help of Allie, I am working on #1 today---the car. Well friends, Huffy is about to get more business cause I HATE CARS!!!!!! What the hell is a DPFE sensor anyways and why does it cost $750 to replace!?!?!?!?!? Coolant sensors are WAY overrated too. BLAH to cars!!!
Okay, snoring....no, not really....but curled up in bed for Mommy naptime....yep, that's where I would LOVE to be right now.
But it is raining. Not outside, in my life.
I looked at my to-do list this morning when I got into the office. Only slightly depressing. It just seems to get longer and longer every day. I check things off each day but I never seem to catch up!
Just so you can feel my pain with me, here is the current "personal to-do list":
Okay, snoring....no, not really....but curled up in bed for Mommy naptime....yep, that's where I would LOVE to be right now.
But it is raining. Not outside, in my life.
I looked at my to-do list this morning when I got into the office. Only slightly depressing. It just seems to get longer and longer every day. I check things off each day but I never seem to catch up!
Just so you can feel my pain with me, here is the current "personal to-do list":
- Drop car off at Good Year. Why is the light flashing at me on the dashboard? My brake lights are burned out and I need a state inspection. Oh yeah, and I
slammed the tailgate down on a coat months ago and the lock is caught and I cant get the door open. - There is still a 35 foot tree on its side in my backyard. Need to hire tree service to remove it before the rest of the lawn gets killed. Clear space near the fence for the mountain of fire wood that I will be left with.
- Call Home Insurance people to chat about the siding peeling off my house. They claim the repair wil cost $505.85; deductible is $500. No, I do NOT want them to pay the $5.85 claim. (Note to self: Check Grace's piggy bank for change!)
- Go to the eye doctor. Squinting is not cute (even if you tell yourself it is a million times a day!). Embrace the glasses!
Okay, just typing all that stressed me out so I am not going to list the other 13 items.
I feel like I am running in circles lately. No downtime (or very little anyways) with no end in sight. And to top it off, I feel like a broken record because I complain about this all the damn time (sorry!!!) !
How the hell do you stay ahead? Or is it just a fact of life that we will never catch up, that there will always be a 17 things vying for your attention, and that you will never have a day with nothing to do?
8/8/06
Hello? Are You There? What Have You Been Doing for the Past 6 Months?!
Friendship is possibly the hardest thing to understand (well, beside marriage but that is another topic for another day!).
I got a voice mail the other day from one of my best friends. Well, she moved halfway across the country 6 months ago after NOT stopping to say good bye to me. Since the move, we have talked once....when I called her to ask her for a reference. Cell phone messages, text messages, emails....they have all gone un-answered. I even added her to Evites that I sent out for various parties at my house in the hopes she would answer them (she did!); just reading her "no, sorry, can't come" on a stupid Evite made me feel better because at least she was showing some small sign of life. I see her dad from time to time at church but he never seems to want to chat either. Whatever I did to them, I just dont know!
And then this weekend, she left me a message.......because she was at the Buffett show in Chicago and it made her think of me. Well, isnt that just fabulous! For 6 months, she couldnt be bothered to send me a quick email or pick up her cell phone on her way to work or even send a few smoke signals up for me. But standing in a parking lot, holding a margarita outside Chicago, she FINALLY finds 30 seconds to leave a drunk message on my cell.
I am mad at her. I am mad that I spent 6 months calling her with no answers and when she calls me, she says in her voice mail "Call me back. Where are you? You always answer. Well, I will talk to you when you call me." Umm...hello! I have been calling you for MONTHS! I feel like calling her and totally chewing her out for the crap the past few months but what good would that do except prolong this "non-fight" we are in at the moment. But I dont want to ignore it all either; it needs to be addressed. For some strange reason, I need to know where I stand with people and especially a friend like this one.
We have been friends since we were 14 years old. Tennis partners in high school, the first people to hear the pregnancy news, and part of each other's families. We were in each other's weddings. Her daughter is my god-child. Our little trio of high school friends doesnt work without a third one! I dont want to lose her from my life but I am so damn mad. Her family is going through some really rough time right now (her 2 1/2 year old nephew has cancer in his eyes); I get it. Friends are secondary in those situations. Guess I just thought I was a different kind of friend to her; one that is more family than anything else.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe not. The next decision to make is when to call her back.
I got a voice mail the other day from one of my best friends. Well, she moved halfway across the country 6 months ago after NOT stopping to say good bye to me. Since the move, we have talked once....when I called her to ask her for a reference. Cell phone messages, text messages, emails....they have all gone un-answered. I even added her to Evites that I sent out for various parties at my house in the hopes she would answer them (she did!); just reading her "no, sorry, can't come" on a stupid Evite made me feel better because at least she was showing some small sign of life. I see her dad from time to time at church but he never seems to want to chat either. Whatever I did to them, I just dont know!
And then this weekend, she left me a message.......because she was at the Buffett show in Chicago and it made her think of me. Well, isnt that just fabulous! For 6 months, she couldnt be bothered to send me a quick email or pick up her cell phone on her way to work or even send a few smoke signals up for me. But standing in a parking lot, holding a margarita outside Chicago, she FINALLY finds 30 seconds to leave a drunk message on my cell.
I am mad at her. I am mad that I spent 6 months calling her with no answers and when she calls me, she says in her voice mail "Call me back. Where are you? You always answer. Well, I will talk to you when you call me." Umm...hello! I have been calling you for MONTHS! I feel like calling her and totally chewing her out for the crap the past few months but what good would that do except prolong this "non-fight" we are in at the moment. But I dont want to ignore it all either; it needs to be addressed. For some strange reason, I need to know where I stand with people and especially a friend like this one.
We have been friends since we were 14 years old. Tennis partners in high school, the first people to hear the pregnancy news, and part of each other's families. We were in each other's weddings. Her daughter is my god-child. Our little trio of high school friends doesnt work without a third one! I dont want to lose her from my life but I am so damn mad. Her family is going through some really rough time right now (her 2 1/2 year old nephew has cancer in his eyes); I get it. Friends are secondary in those situations. Guess I just thought I was a different kind of friend to her; one that is more family than anything else.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe not. The next decision to make is when to call her back.
8/7/06
Friends and Fries
Okay, I know. I havent posted in DAYS and I feel bad about that.....really I do. But this little thing called Life and even that always elusive thing called Mini-Vacation got in the way! Crazy---I know!
But here I am, at the office, playing catch-up for the 2 days I took off last week. And that work is prohibiting me from posting anything very interesting. And so, I leave you with a very short update on this Mini-Vacation that found me. Oh, how I needed it and now, I want it back!!!
For the best part of the weekend, please check out my friend L's blog. Yes, that is me in the very fashionable Fish Bowl bra top at the Jimmy Buffett show on Thursday. Sexy, huh? My hubby is in the background of the last picture, wearing his very fabulous Lime wedges bra. Oh what a proud wife I am!!! And since I am calling myself out in these pics, I am sharing the wealth: This is YaYaPrincess, otherwise known as Allie on my comments.
The other excitement: a friend of ours (I say ours because he is one of the gang here in NoVa) is inthe hospital with 2nd degree burns all over his arms and upper chest/shoulders. He was cooking french fries with oil in a pot on his stove and it caught on fire. And yes, he managed to put out the fire---the OIL FIRE----with water. Not sure how he defied that laws of nature but he did....not once, but 3 times!!! We went to visit him at the hospital yesterday and he is one damn lucky person. Burns are all covered in gauze but his face was burned a bit but doesnt look bad....all things considered. Lesson learned: No more french fries cooking for him!!!
More tomorrow...I promise.
But here I am, at the office, playing catch-up for the 2 days I took off last week. And that work is prohibiting me from posting anything very interesting. And so, I leave you with a very short update on this Mini-Vacation that found me. Oh, how I needed it and now, I want it back!!!
For the best part of the weekend, please check out my friend L's blog. Yes, that is me in the very fashionable Fish Bowl bra top at the Jimmy Buffett show on Thursday. Sexy, huh? My hubby is in the background of the last picture, wearing his very fabulous Lime wedges bra. Oh what a proud wife I am!!! And since I am calling myself out in these pics, I am sharing the wealth: This is YaYaPrincess, otherwise known as Allie on my comments.
The other excitement: a friend of ours (I say ours because he is one of the gang here in NoVa) is inthe hospital with 2nd degree burns all over his arms and upper chest/shoulders. He was cooking french fries with oil in a pot on his stove and it caught on fire. And yes, he managed to put out the fire---the OIL FIRE----with water. Not sure how he defied that laws of nature but he did....not once, but 3 times!!! We went to visit him at the hospital yesterday and he is one damn lucky person. Burns are all covered in gauze but his face was burned a bit but doesnt look bad....all things considered. Lesson learned: No more french fries cooking for him!!!
More tomorrow...I promise.
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