Ovary Tug of War

Jenna is expecting a baby boy in September, Jennifer is expecting a baby girl in December, Christine is pregnant with baby #2 and is due in February, and Catherine is starting to plan for baby #1. Jeff had his first daughter in April, Mark had his first daughter in April, Coach had his second child/first daughter in April (wow---April was busy!). And I just started to plan out the Couples Baby Shower for Supergirl and KBFixIt.

Its baby time.

I love babies. I love the way they smell, how they curl up in little balls on your chest to sleep, how you can carry them everywhere with you and your arm doesnt feel like it is going to fall off, and most of all, I love the sound of a newborn cry and feeling those little fingers wrap around my hand. AMAZING! Oh yeah, and the first time that babies smile at you (not the gas smiles but a real bonafide smile). Oh, my heart melts just remembering it all! (Wasn't Grace beautiful!? Yes, I am completely and totally biased but whatever---she is gorgeous!)

Before the Hubby and I got married, we had the "do we want kids?" chat and we had decided that no, we would be Aunt Jaime and Uncle Bill who spoiled the hell out of all the kids but that we would not have any of our own. There were a few really good reasons we made that decision; things that are still true today, in fact. About 3 weeks later, the stick had 2 lines on it and all those conversations went out the window!!! Today, I couldn't imagine my life without my princess Grace. It was the best decision we ever made.

I am planning a baby shower for 2 of Hubby and my best friends. Always the event planner, I am going all out. Every new mom deserves a fabulous baby shower with all her friends. The invitations are ordered and the decor is in process. I have checked all her registries to see what she has alreayd got and even check to see if there is anything that I found to be a "must have" that she does not have listed. Love this stuff!

All this shower planning and goft searching has my ovaries in a tug-of-war. There are days, even a week at a time, that I really strongly, completely, feel the desire to be pregnant again and to have another child. There are other times that I feel like I am barely able to hold on to my life now and that another child would push me right over the edge.

Grace is just over 2 years old, right on target developmentally, and is such a happy little girl. She is socialable and loves to play with other kids...except when they are playing with her toys. Boy, can she be a spoiled brat when other kids come to play at our house!!! Okay, that is all for another post.......back to the game my ovaries are playing?

Do I want Baby #2 or is my family complete as a threesome? Can I manage 2 children? Are we ready for 2 kids? Can we afford 2 kids? Day care cost would double but I would still need to work. At that point, am I only working to pay the day care costs or am I actually bringing home money? What about medical issues---we rolled the dice once and so far we got lucky but will that happen again or will we have a Marfan child (Hubby has Marfan Syndrome and there is a 50% chance that his children will have it as well). Would Grace be better as an only child or oldest child?

We have such a fun life now and our house is always full of family and friends. Its not that I am lonely but I just feel that pull to babyhood so strongly sometimes. There are moments when it sometimes feels like there is something missing in the house. Is it baby #2? Or is it just that its a big house for 3 people?

Hubby isn't sure about another baby. There are these medical things that loom over the entire conversation all the time. What if? Well, again, there are no real answers there either...no tests to be done prior to or in early pregnancy. There is no family history beyond the Hubby to study and search for genetic patterns. We are on our own with this one until the kid(s) turn 3 when we start going to Johns Hopkins for test and a diagnosis. And money. Can we afford another one? The house is old, needs some work, and its big (=expensive) but we cant sell it. Its our home and was his home growing up and his mother left it to him when she passed away so that he could pass it on to his children. We both work fulltime. With baby #2, when do we get Us Time? What about schedules and traveling for work? Can we handle all that?

So many questions but never a complete answer.


Bri said...

I know.From the outside it's easy to say, "Do it!. But the outside doesn't have to weigh the possibility of Marfan's, money, etc. You guys are fantastic parents and IF you decide to head down that path again, you'll still be fantastic parents.

But I'm just starting to get those twinges. Those - longing feelings for a pregnancy belly - the smell of a newborn - the fuzz on their little heads.

Having another hasn't been a question in our house - it's how many that's the debate. Is two what we can handle? Three?

It's interesting that with the first one these thoughts aren't even in the background. But with the possibility of number two - they're sitting right there in the foreground...

Good luck figuring it all out - if you do or don't - you still are a SuperMom!

kbfixit said...

hehe. Both of you can satisfy your cravings with mine, he'll be here in about 2 months.

I'm sure SuperGirl will be more than happy to take a nap while someone cuddles SuperBoy for 20 minutes or so. :)

On another note, I sympathize with your situation and would offer this advice. Hold on. It is expensive and time-consuming to care for one child, let alone two. Get the living environment squared away, get other things in order. The last thing I would want to do is to bring another life into the picture with the potential for strain, uncertainty and pressure.

But then again, having a child is a blessing and you both have done a wonderful job so far. If any couple can overcome adversity with a smile, it's you two. And SuperGirl and I will always help where we can.

- kb

So-Called Supermom said...

Yes, there are a lot of things to get done (house, pay off cars, etc) but honestly...there is ALWAYS a lot to get done. There is never a perfect time for a baby and if you waited until finances were perfect, no one would have babies. It just doenst happen (unless you are a lottery winner!).

My hang-up is that I dont want Grace to be in high school when she finally has a sibling. I want them to actually grow up together, not pass one another in the house(ie Bill and his older siblings).

Sounds pretty pathetic but I have even told Bill that there is a time limit on these things for me....once Grace is in kindergarten the baby 2 conversation is over. I want them less than 5 years apart. Silly? Yes. ABsolutely. But thats how I feel about it.

Affording a second baby is easier than the first---I already have all the crap for him/her.


-L said...

I'm so sorry that you have all of this going on inside of your head. Wish it was easier for you at least medically to make that decision. It must be so hard to know whether or not to take that chance. And I agree, there is never a perfect time to have a baby, there will always be expenses.

Oh, and I don't think you are silly for wanting kids less than 5 years apart. I understand you wanting them to be able to bond together without a huge age gap. When we finally have children I definitely want the second one to come within 5 years, if we can.

Anyway, let me know if I can come over next week sometime, we can hang out for a few hours :)

kbfixit said...

ok. Good point. There never really is a 'good' time, as far as money is concerned.

- kb

cheri getty said...

we worried about those things...i.e. money, carseats, freedom, etc, but we knew that we wanted at least 2 kids. when sophia was 1, we got pregnant and then came madeline when soph was 22 months old. i had 2 babies for a period of time. and it was hard...especially those early months...but now, watching my girls(4 and 2) play together and just knowing that they have eachother throughout life has made it all worth wild. and here we are getting ready to get preggers with baby number 3 in a few months....having these kiddies little is such a small amount of time in the big picture...i fantasize about them coming home one day with their families for thanksgiving and being so proud of the family we have. good luck with whatever you decide. :)

KatieJoeandGrace said...

Gosh, it is a huge choice to decide to have baby #2. We have struggled with that already too. Everyone says "do it now" so they are close in age, but I just want my time with Grace right now-- that and it is SO much work!!
Good luck deciding. Babies are wonderful. By the time you would HAVE the next one, Grace would be older and more helpful too, I would think- that's what I want. Oh, and I want the 1st one out of diapers and close to school age before I have #2!!

Jen3 @ Amazing Triplets said...

There's a window of opportunity to have children. I feel like MY window of opportunity is closing and I'm getting a little panicky. Although we have three babies (um, toddlers) and my heart is completely full ... I would love to be pregnant again (I hear a singleton pregnancy is a lot easier than a triplet one!).

I would love to have another baby. I would love to have a big family. But I would NOT love to go through all the infertility treatments again, which would most likely be required (and the astronomical cost of treatment... UGH). But even with those "drawbacks" = I still feel the urge to have more kids. Sometimes I doubt if I'll ever feel "done".