Glorious Mess

This quote landed in my Inbox the other day.  I love quotes.  I love to find new ones to kick start my day or to find inspiration in or to motivate me. If we are Facebook friends (if not, we should be!!), you know this about because I post them a lot.  But this quote - it shook me.  A mess?  Why would this quote find its way into a "Inspiratonal Quote of the Day" series??

It's my favorite quote ever.

Every day we all wake up and do out very best to present ourselves to the outside world as productive, responsible, put-together, non-mess adults.  We edit our Facebook posts to only show the positives in our life.  Instagram is just snapshots of the split seconds of our days that are cute, funny, or share-worthy.  But seriously?!  Is there anyone you know that really has it all together?

What we hide from the world is our mess.  But why?  Are we afraid that people will think less of us?  Scared that we won't be that perfect neighbor or the co-worker with it all figured out?

I am a mess.  And this past year, I was the biggest mess I have ever been.  But I hide my mess.  I kept the messy emotions and needs deep down inside --- from the outside, I was managing my career, household, medical incidents, and everything else with organization, strength, and humor.  Underneath, a total mess.  The humor --- can't cry when you are laughing.  The strength - well, I was the sole able adult at our house for a couple weeks; did I really have a choice about putting my two feet on the floor running every morning?   Organized?  Yea, a little.  At the beginning, my medical binder came off the bookshelf - doctor notes, test results, and insurance paperwork was filed by date immediately.  Now, the binder really a folder of papers not in their sections and most definitely not in date order.  But the info is there so that's a plus right?!

It wasn't until a friend reached out and said "I know you are a mess and so I am stepping in to help" that I realized, showing my mess inside isn't a bad thing.  That people understand.  That they are a mess too.  And that sometimes being a mess is better than being all put together.

My mess IS my strength.  It makes me ME.  It makes my days interesting - never know what's going to happen!  It makes me push ahead to the next day, to the next challenge.   It makes me human and life more interesting.

So, let's show our messes - our real glorious selves.


And Now I Know

Obviously, I know NOTHING about fashion anymore.

Me: Grace, we are going to the mall on a school snow day.  Its going to be crowded and very likely you will run into your friends from school.  Do you want to maybe change out of your lounging-around-the-house outfit of sweatpants and a tshirt and beatup boots?  Maybe wear something cute since we are going out?
Grace:  Nah.  I'm good.
Me:  Okay, well T (her current boy crush) could very possibly be there.  Hope he likes the "relaxed slum" look.
Grace:  Mom, he should like me for me and not care about my mis-matched outfit.  And anyways, this outfit IS cute - its just a relaxed hanging out look.
Me: (secretly proud but ugh - WHY does she insist on leaving the house in this outfit while there are multiple new things in her closet unworn!!!)

Clearly, we are embarassing to be with in public,

Girls:  We have our phones.  It's not like we are going to get lost.
Moms:  No. You are 10. You are not wondering the mall by yourself.
Girls: UGH. Whatever! (as they turn and bounce into the Apple store alone carrying the blended beverage just bought for them)

We are old and are memory is shot - otherwise, the girls wouldn't have to ask the same questions 177 times in 4 minutes.

Girls:  Can we go to Fr21?
Moms: Later, yes, we will go.
****17.3 seconds later****
Girls:  Can we go to F21 now?
Moms: LATER!
*****1 minute later****
Girls: Is it later yet?
Moms: UGH!!!!

Again, there I go being embarassing, until the credit card is needed.  Then I am okay to be seen with.

Via text:
Grace: Can I get this dress?
Mom:  I will look at it when I get there in a minute.
Grace: WHAT? Why are you in the store with us?
Mom: Do you want the dress?
Grace: yes,
Mom:  Well then I need to be here to pay for it.
Grace:  Oh.  Okay.  But after you can leave again.

And, well, best quote of the day - still laughing.

As we are getting in the car:
Me:  So are you and A (the BFF) going to wear your matching dresses to school tomorrow?
Grace: No.  We are going to wear them on Wednesday.
Me:  Um, okay,  Why Wednesday?
Grace:  Cause everyone decided to wear pink on Wednesday.
Me:  Oh.  (As I hid behind the open tailgate of my car laughing hysterically while also hoping all hopes that Mean Girls movie hasn't already infiltrated the 5th grade class)


The End of 2014....FINALLY!

2014 is coming to a close.  And to be totally honest, I could not be any more excited.  Seriously.  This year tested me in every way possible.

But as I sit here wishing the year away and making plans for 2015, I cannot help but be thankful for the lessons learned in 2014.

My lessons were:

Trust my instincts.....when a fever is high, skip the call to the doctor and go straight to the ER.  Also, when doctors are over their heads, call them out on it and ask for a transfer.  I am pretty confident that the transfer from our neighborhood hospital to the amazing hospital an hour away saved the husband's life.  Also, when the kitchen is way messier than when you left the house, get out and call the police!

Mourning is different for everyone.....no, we didn't have a death in the family but I spent a lot of time mourning this year.  Sad for moments I missed, sad for moments that were so frightening that I can't even describe them, and sad for changes in my plans that I didn't want to change.  There is a kind of mourning that I did this year that it hard to explain.  What I thought this year would hold and what I thought my family could do this year and where I thought my career would be this year didn't happen. And yes, I mourn those lost opportunities.  I also am feeling grateful for them because without those disappointments, I wouldn't have learned some of these lessons or seen how amazing my family is during times like these.  So mourning, while sad, was a good thing for me this year.

Friends make the world go 'round.....I have great friends.  I have friends who have sat in hospitals with me.  Friends that are always willing to grab a glass of wine and chat.  I have friends that make the crazy pre-teen years bearable because they are in the midst of it too and understand the madness. I have friends who have seen me at my best, at my worst, and at every level in between.  This year, I realized that I have friends that I don't see every day - some I haven't seen in 10+ years in person. But they are there.  I am eternally grateful for all my friends.

Help is hard to ask for and sometimes hard to accept - but when someone reaches out their hand to help, grab their hand and amazing things can happen.   I ave tried typing more about this lesson, but I can't find the words.  Just know that the help given to my family at the end of this year was more than we ever thought possible, could have ever known was there, or could have ever expected. We are humbled and so grateful and will forever be working to pay it forward to other families who need to feel love and friendship.

Even the strong need to break sometimes.  It took a robbery for me to cry this year.  It also took the robbery for me to realize that yes, my family needs me to be strong but sometimes, its okay to sit on my bed and just cry and yell and be angry.  Cause the next morning, I can pick myself back up and get it all done with new energy. I also learned that the hubby knows exactly what to do when I do break -- -just sit quietly and wait for me to need the hug.  Love you babe.

There were so many more lessons but those are the ones I am taking with me into 2015.  The ones that changed who I am and who I want to be moving forward.

2015 is going to be great -- its going to be full of paying it forward, keeping my family healthy and keeping me healthy, and making sure that I remember to lean on my awesome village when its needed.

Adios 2014 - you won't be missed.  2015 --- let's do this!!!!!!