8/29/06

Big girls don't cry---we just bitch about it....in silence

Why do people always try to make things harder than they need to be!? Seriously! I have no time for crap right now and that's all I am getting......at work, at home, everywhere.

Conference is a mere 31 days away. I have volunteers, speakers, and exhibitors to organize; I have staff travel plans to make; menus need to be finalized; budget needs updating and balancing; and when do you suggest I find time to review all the option for the 2008 and 2009 conferences!? There are so many Cheifs right now that all the little Indians dont know which way to turn so they all turn to me as if I hold all the magic keys to answers. Well, guess what folks?! I am as blind as you are in some apects cause people keep going around me to get the same information I sent 3 weeks ago! Make a decision already damn it!

At home, there is so much to do that I cannot get on top of it. The house needs to be cleaned; laundry is piled up ready to be put away, ironed, or washed; the home office has needed an organization weekend since we moved in over a year ago; and one day I would really like to see the floor of my garage! But no time for all that lately.

I feel like a zombie, going through the motions of my life. Wake up, get myseld ready for work, let the dog out, get Grace ready for day care/wake Hubby up as I walk out the door, work 8 hours at the office, drive home to pick up Grace, make dinner, put Grace to bed, do s few chores around the house as long as they dont take all night, turn the ciomputer back on to get some more work done, go to sleep........and on and on day after day.

Words come out of my mouth all day and night. I talk and talk and talk......to co-workers, family, friends, Grace, the car stereo, whoever and whatever is there. So why do I feel like the brick wall is the only thing listening? I am heard but who actually listens to me these days!? I am a broken record (I know that!!!) but obviously I am trying to say something. If you know what that something is, let me know...I would really appreciate it. Even when I do know what I am trying to say, I either cant find the words or I go back to the things my mother told me over and over as a child.

I am probably singing the same song that every other mother/busy person in the world sings but damn it, its my song and I want to complain for just a moment. I never complain aloud about these things. Or if I do say something about it, I make it into a joke, even when its not. There are times I am so frustarated/overwhelmned/exhausted that all I want to do is cry. But I was always told growing up that "dont cry over nothing. Be strong about it" so crying is not much of an option for me. Suck it up and deal with it. Move on. Dont actually show emotion to the outside world cause then you are weak and who wants a weak wife/mom/friend/daughter/sister/coworker/etc!?

Damn it!

2 comments:

Bri said...

Oh - This TALL girl (we don't say BIG in this house) cries all the time. It's my one outlet for frustration that alwasy makes me feel better - so I say go with it - let it out!

Jenny said...

Oh zombie woman...I feel your pain.

We can always cry in our blogs, right?