Hello? Are You There? What Have You Been Doing for the Past 6 Months?!

Friendship is possibly the hardest thing to understand (well, beside marriage but that is another topic for another day!).

I got a voice mail the other day from one of my best friends. Well, she moved halfway across the country 6 months ago after NOT stopping to say good bye to me. Since the move, we have talked once....when I called her to ask her for a reference. Cell phone messages, text messages, emails....they have all gone un-answered. I even added her to Evites that I sent out for various parties at my house in the hopes she would answer them (she did!); just reading her "no, sorry, can't come" on a stupid Evite made me feel better because at least she was showing some small sign of life. I see her dad from time to time at church but he never seems to want to chat either. Whatever I did to them, I just dont know!

And then this weekend, she left me a message.......because she was at the Buffett show in Chicago and it made her think of me. Well, isnt that just fabulous! For 6 months, she couldnt be bothered to send me a quick email or pick up her cell phone on her way to work or even send a few smoke signals up for me. But standing in a parking lot, holding a margarita outside Chicago, she FINALLY finds 30 seconds to leave a drunk message on my cell.

I am mad at her. I am mad that I spent 6 months calling her with no answers and when she calls me, she says in her voice mail "Call me back. Where are you? You always answer. Well, I will talk to you when you call me." Umm...hello! I have been calling you for MONTHS! I feel like calling her and totally chewing her out for the crap the past few months but what good would that do except prolong this "non-fight" we are in at the moment. But I dont want to ignore it all either; it needs to be addressed. For some strange reason, I need to know where I stand with people and especially a friend like this one.

We have been friends since we were 14 years old. Tennis partners in high school, the first people to hear the pregnancy news, and part of each other's families. We were in each other's weddings. Her daughter is my god-child. Our little trio of high school friends doesnt work without a third one! I dont want to lose her from my life but I am so damn mad. Her family is going through some really rough time right now (her 2 1/2 year old nephew has cancer in his eyes); I get it. Friends are secondary in those situations. Guess I just thought I was a different kind of friend to her; one that is more family than anything else.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe not. The next decision to make is when to call her back.


Mother said...

That sucks. I know for me, it's way easier to connect with blogging and emailing. I have one friend who always calls and I always email - and we never connect.

allison said...

"Friends are secondary..." True and yet not. I understand family trama, way to well, but you need your friends too. You are one of the best friends anyone could ask for, and you have every reason for being mad. Besides, 1 call every month or so is one way of keeping contact but keeping sanity w/ family trauma, but 6 mos? I say calm down, then kraft an e-mail to her w/ a read receipt. You deserve better than that, but kudos to you for trying to keep an open mind.

Bri said...

Nice Bri - Call her. Be the bigger better person. No regrets.

Evil Bri - F' the snarky biotch. She coudn't spare a minute to call???

TeamWinks said...

Life is to short, you only live it once...pick up the phone (I bet you will be glad you did.)