24 Hours is NOT enough!

Somebody (or something or some power---whatever you believe) came up with this crazy idea at some point in time to make each day 24 hours long. Could someone tell me who that was so I can order another hour or so?! Great, thanks!

Lately, I am finding myself with less and less time at home. I love to be at home with my family and wish I had more quality time with my family. But the groceries must be shopped for and my paycheck must come home every other week. And yes, my time with my friends is important too.

This past weekend was so much fun for me. Hubby and I went on a great VA winery tour with a bunch of friends on Saturday. Grace spent all day long with my parents. Sunday was spent at at Taste of Home Entertaining party. I saw Grace when she woke up on Saturday, when she woke up on Sunday, and for about 30 minutes before she went to be on Sunday. I missed her.

At work, I have 65 days until the largest conference I have ever planned and the stress has kicked in for me!!!! I have 8 hours a day to do 11 hours worth of work so I am finding myself working at the kitchen table after Grace's bedtime----so much for actually talking to my Hubby.

It kind of scares me, to be honest. When I was 3, my mother was in the hospital for 3 months on bedrest, pregnant with my sister. I saw her every single day but for the most part, I spent all my time with my babysitter and my dad. We bonded. Even today, my dad is one of my favorite people in the world. All the times I have gotten angry at my mother, I probably should have been angry at my dad as well but in my mind, my dad can do no wrong. I dont want that to happen to me and my Gracie. I want her to love her Daddy but am I completely selfish if I want Grace to love me and want me just as much as her Daddy (maybe sometimes more!)!?

If only I had one more hour in the day.....then everything could get done and I could still see my family during quality time...NOT running through the motions of everyday.

Drama, Where Art Thou!?

Something is bound to happen......soon. Things have been way too drama-free at my house lately. Its really nice; dont get me wrong but when things stay status-quo like this for too long, it is usually not a good sign.

Nope, the ceiling of my bathroom caving in does not count as drama because, well, those things happen around our house all the time. The tree laying across my backyard---nope that doesnt really count either since it falls into the same category as "house crap". Hubby and I are in sync with chores and Grace has been pretty well-behaved (with exception of hitting Daddy and sitting on the naughty step).

Maybe I am anxious like this because I have gotten used to living a drama-filled life. For the past 2 1/2 years, thats all I got----my family going psycho over my engagement, taking care of my mother-in-law in her last days of life, and then becoming a mothe rmyself for the first time. All I remember of the past 2 years is that every time I turned around, there was some BIG event looming and at least one person in my life was loudly and not nicely opposed to it in some way, hence the drama!!! Now that life has pretty much taken over at my house, there is no impending disasters/drama/etc coming at me.

So, what's next? Why do I sit around and try to predict when the other shoe will drop? Cant we just be normal people with normal lived for a week or so at a time?!

Stay tuned....you never know when drama will strike! Just ask Mama Chix!

Pucker Up Baby!!!!

Early this week, I went out to dinner with a work-friend of mine. She was in town for a meeting planner education event and being 7 1/2 months pregnant with her 2nd child, wanted to get together before her maternity leave started. In full truth, she is really just anxious to hear if my boss has chosen her city as the host for our 2008 convention but thats another story!!!

We talked work for a little while but the fun began when the conversation turned to kids and husbands.

Is your kid potty-trained? How are you doing it? Why isnt there a Potty Training 101 class that all toddler parents are required to attend?

Sure, you say the husband helps around the house but is that really true? (In my case, yes, most of the time. Thats another post for another day!)

I miss the happy hours after work most about the pre-baby life. Let's plan one after this baby gets out of me (that was her talking and me agreeing!)

Last but not least..........Do you french-kiss your husband anymore? Not talking about baby-making time or the similiar times. But after work, you walk in the door.....do you give him a quick kiss or get all hot and heavy in the foyer of your house? You remember dating right? Didnt you french kiss him all the time then? But as soon as you are married, the french kisses stop unless procreation is the goal. Sucks, huh?!

Yep, that is what the dinner conversation revolved around. But its so true. And it was great to know that is happens to other couples too. We are not alone!!!!!!

When Hubby and I were dating, we were That Couple. The ones who were always holding hands, kissing, etc etc etc...making everyone else sick! I loved it. A good ol' make out session on the couch......weren't those the best!?Even got a little tongue action on the altar after the Pastor announced us man and wife.

However, 2 1/2 years and 1 baby later....the french kisses seem to be regulated to "bedroom only" and even there, only when we are "excercising" together. We dont just sit on the couch and kiss for the pure joy of it anymore. Or surprise each other with a big wet perfect frech kiss in the middle of the kitchen. Why? Are we afraid that it might lead somewhere (like the bed!) or is it that we are so used to our life together now that it just doesnt happen? Well, that sucks and I think it should change.

I dont know if you still read this blog, Hubby, but if you do......BRING IT ON!!!! :)

Family

Last weekend, my sister and I went to visit my grandparents. They live downtown DC, only about 20 miles from my house, and yet, we only see them on holidays/birthdays/special occasions. And now, they are moving into an assisted living facility. I am actually kind of sad.

Opa is my dad's father; Oma is my dad's step-mother. They are both in their mid-80's and up until 2 weeks ago, were doing fine on their own. Sure, they had their difficulties; it takes Opa 2 hours to drive the 20 miles to my house for Christmas and Oma was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's so you are lucky if she remembers your name. But all in all, things were doing okay at their condo.

2 weeks ago, Opa fell when he was trying to pick up the newspaper from the front doormat. Oma froze and couldnt remember their neighbor---her best friend of 26 years---and refused to knock on their door for help; "It would be rude to knock on that door--I do not know those people". Opa had his cell phone in his pocket when he fell (a miracle in itself since he NEVER carries it with him!) and was able to call for help himself. As Opa said himself, "This is the event we were all waiting for!".

The assisted living facility has been chosen, the reservation deposit paid, and now comes all the paperwork. Opa avoided it and avoided it until we wouldnt let him any more. For 3 hours, we sat with him last weekend filling out forms about medical history, DNR, and all those other pleasant things to chat about on a sunny Saturday in DC. At the end of the day, I was exhausted!

It got me thinking about all the things that Opa has meant to the family. No, he and Oma were never the grandparents who got onthe floor and played with the kids and they arent the cuddly kind either. They are both very proper people. But they were always there for the big events; they never forgot a birthday (this year they forgot 2 of the adult grandkids birthdays and Opa still feels horrible).

I had some rough times a few years ago and even when I felt my immediate family turn their backs on me, Opa always reached out and told me over and over again that he was there and able/willilng/wanting to help me. I love him for that. I dont think he knows that I know he told my parents that and I dont know if I ever will tell him that I know. I neveer called on him during those times; maybe I should have. He knows we love him and it was so nice to see his aging face light up when my sister and I walked into the room. He adores Grace and Bill.

But he and Oma are both slipping away. Oma's Alzheimer's is so bad that she has almost totally disappeared. Opa's fall really aged him---a huge bruise that covers his entire left thigh. THe cancer in his spine is really hurting his back now and he is so upset that the doctor took away his favorite chair---a ratty old recliner--because he needs to be sitting straight up in a solid chair. He is so concerned with the rest of the family that he is avoiding his own needs---like getting this move together so he and Oma can be taken care of.

It has me thinking about my family. Bill and Grace are everything to me. My world gets so much clearer when its just us and I am so happy when I see all our friends surrounding us. My family lives close and while we spend time with them, I am not that close emotionally to my mother. We never had a great relationship and as I grew up, it got worse. Now that I am a mom, I understand her better but forgiveness is a tough thing to deal with for me and her. We have been able to put things aside because in the end, Grace needs her grandparents as I need mine. My father and sister and brother---I love them with all my heart and even though we had the same issues, it always blew up into crazy proportions with my mom and me. Now the issues with my Opa and Oma have made me think that the past issues arent that important anymore. I just want my family around me for as long as possible.

Tropical Getaway Wanted

I love the all those home improvement shows. I dream that my house will one day be as organized and perfect as the project houses. Notice, I said DREAM!

With this weekend's "excitement" in the bathroom, I decided to turn my mind to another area of the house because I just cant emotionally handle the kitchen area (that's where 90% of all the issues are at the moment). And so I have decided that since we have to live in the Money Pit, the very least I can do for the Hubby and I is to make our bedroom complete. We painted it and decided on the overall "theme" but havent done much beyond that in terms of decor. It has become the last room on th eprioirty list but that is all changed now in my mind. I want to walk into my room and feel calm and rested (hahahahahhaa---that really is funny in a house with a toddler, isnt it?).

But...........I am at a loss on where to start! I need to move some of my furniture around the room to make for a less boring layout and to take advantage of the space, light, and all that.

My biggest hangup is that the green is becoming a bit overwhelming for me. I need more color!!! But what other color? I dont want to paint the walls anymore but I would like to use another color (or two) as an accent in the bedspread/accessories/etc. In the end, we want a tropical look to the room. Right now I am thinking that coral, blues, and/or purples would look best with the green.

Here are a few of the "inspiration" things I have found lately. This is the bedspread that we cirrently have in the room. I REALLY like this but is it too close to what we already have on the bed? I like it because the color is more of a COLOR, not so neutral that it makes no statement at all!

Any other ideas!?!?!!?

UPDATE Found a great inspiration piece for the bedroom colors. Now I have to decide how to "execute" the inspiration!!!

The Money Pit

My house was built in 1971. Yes, it is older than me. And these days, it is showing its age and that is NOT meant to be a compliment.

On July 4, we had a tree come down during a seriously horrible thunderstorm. Yeah, I know, coulda happened to a brand new house with a bug tree too but hey, its my blog and its my rant so I count it! Same day, during the same storm, the siding on the right side of my house came flying off the side. Yes. FLYING. Seriously. We were sitting in the kitchen watching the storm though the window and we watched a piece of the siding whip acoross the lawn, along with a few branches from the tree mentioned earlier.

Tuesday, I worked from home for most of the day so that the plumber could install a new water heater. You see, it was a COLD shower that morning and I was NOT going through that experience on Wednesday morning if it could be helped. SO $1400 later, we have hot water thanks to the 66 gallon water heater in the basement. Who cares if we cant afford food---we have hot water!!!!

And then came tonight. The night was going so well---a nice dinner with friends and then some Sex and the City on tv. Hubby went back downstairs before coming to bed and thats when I heard him yell "Jaime, ummm, come here a sec!". Never good, my friends, never good! And what did I see when I went downstairs-----the bathroom ceiling in the ONLY bathroom on the main floor of the house was caving. Yes, there was mold on the ceiling (the same spots we had cleaned 2 days ago in an effort to not admit there could be a leak in the ceiling). Yes, the water was coming through the ceiling and the ceiling caved. Luckily we put the trash can underneath it before that happened but still....it sucks.

Hubby seems to think that the a/c is leaking and causing all these issues in the bathroom. Honestly, I dont care much WHAT is causing it but am more concerned with 1) HOW does it get fixed, 2) WHEN can it get fixed, and 3) HOW the hell we are going to be able to afford to continue with this house?! Its Hubby's childhood home so there is a lot of emotional attachment but at what point do we give in?

Based on what we know about as of tonight that needs to get done, there is about $50,000 worth of work that needs to get done before it is really ready to be called home (for me at least). No, its not frivilious crap either---kitchen remodel (seriously, I have chipped lime green linoleium as countertops and most of the interior cabinet shelves are either duct taped back together or are barely hang in there), new cooper pipes though the kitcehn so I can stop with the pinhole leaks that seem to happen every other month (yep, a pinhole leak ends up being about $500 each time it gets fixed), new a/c unit (the current one is on its last leg and sucks!), and oh yeah, and we have already replaced all the floors (except the kitchen area) and stripped all the wall paper and repainted.

Okay, I vented. There is no conclusion/end/closing to this post because well, there is no end to this situation at the moment. I will let you know sometime!!!

BlogHer vs. Buffett

Several of the other "Mommy-bloggers" that I read daily are heading to BlogHer next weekend and it seems to be the thing to talk about these days. Okay girls.....I am not bitching that you are talking about it al all....just totally jealous that are going to San Jose to actually meet each other!

So, since I am not attending, there must be something that I can brag and blog about---I know----13 days until the Buffett show!!!!

Yes, that's right folks....Hubby and I are Parrotheads. Grace is what we Parrotheads call a Parakeet (adorable, I know!) and her nickname quickly became "Little Miss Magic". Yes, we scheduled a weekend a few months ago around the date and time that Buffett tickets were going on sale. In fact, there were 3 phones and at least 3 computers scanning the Ticketmaster website for tickets within 10 seconds of sale-time. I didnt get any....but thanks to my fabulous friend Ya-Ya Princess, we have 8 lawn seats! I considered going for Pavillion seats but when I noticed they were $150 A SEAT, I quickly changed my mind. The lawn is where the party really is anyways!

Now the planning must begin. There are 11 of us going to the show together; 3 of the 11 are "Buffett Show Virgins" and they are in for a crazy time!!!!! Where else can you see men walking around freely in grass skirts and coconut bras?

Concert starts at 8 pm. Parking lot opens for "Premiere Parking $20/car" at 12 noon. We will be there, ready to party by 11:30 am.......hey, its all about the location of your tailgating setup!
Even the cars will be decorated in the finest leis, car magnets, and anything else I can find! Thus year, Hubby and I are attaching a shark fin to the roof in honor of Fins and the Feeding Frenzy; Fins to the Right! Fins to the Left! for those of you unfamiliar with my FAVORITE Buffett tune!

Once there, we will set up the "living room" that consists of several chairs, a nice seagrass rug, several garlands of hawaiian flowers, and a few tv trays. Oh yeah, dont forget the grill and the portable blender----after all, what's a Buffett show without frozen margaritas?! And we even have our own skeleton who dangles from the trees above us in full Buffett attire! Its fabulous! Pictures will be posted as soon as I can get them up here after the show!

So there, take that, BlogHer-goers! I may be a little jealous that you get to meet each other for real next weekend, but do you get to party with random people in a dusty parking lot for 8 hours before a concert!? Nope, didnt think so!!!!

I am SO pscyhed!

Side note: If any of you Mommys/Daddys out there are looking for some unique books for your kiddos, check out the books written by Jimmy and his daughter Savannah Jane titled "Jolly Mon" (there is a great song too that matches the book) and "Trouble Dolls"! So great....Gracie loves them

To do or not to do....chores

How can someone 3 feet tall make such a HUGE mess everywhere she goes!? I just dont get it.

After work/daycare, we go home and Grace gets right to playing with all her toys; the kitchen, her babies, the mutliple Little People playsets, books...you name it, we have it! By the time bedtime rolls around, the previously clear family room floor is covered in toddler toys. Its not any better in her room either. Stuffed animals, books, Barbie, blankets everywhere. Sure, we ask her to pick up her toys and, most of the time, she is pretty good at it.

My question is this: When is Grace old enough for some regularly scheduled chores?

Hubby started asking her to help feed the dog a month or so ago. For a few days, Grace was really into it. The dog....not so much. You see, when we feed the dog, we take the cup and dump a few cupfuls into his bowl. Grace has a much slower method.....giving the dog 10-20 morsels at a time. Seriously, it takes her about 20 minutes to fill 1/8 of his bowl. But its a good chore for her I think....teaches her to take care of her pets and who cares if she misses the bowl once in awhile...the dog will eat it off the floor! Her other favorite pastime----playing with the Swiffer and/or broom. But honestly, that usually just spreads the mess around more for me to clean later!

What other chores can I give a 2 year old?

My mother swears I was setting the table at 2 (I find that very hard to believe--maybe I was 3 when I started that). Other people have told me to let her be a baby as long as possible; that there are plenty of years of chores ahead of her so dont rush it. I want her to grow up knowing that life takes teamwork and that Mommy and Daddy expect her to help around the house; that when you have pets, you have to take care of them and that if you make a mess, it is your responsibility to clean it up.

Any ideas from the Blog-o-sphere out there? What are you doing at home? What works? What doesnt? Anything!?!?!?!!?!?!?

Ovary Tug of War

Jenna is expecting a baby boy in September, Jennifer is expecting a baby girl in December, Christine is pregnant with baby #2 and is due in February, and Catherine is starting to plan for baby #1. Jeff had his first daughter in April, Mark had his first daughter in April, Coach had his second child/first daughter in April (wow---April was busy!). And I just started to plan out the Couples Baby Shower for Supergirl and KBFixIt.

Its baby time.

I love babies. I love the way they smell, how they curl up in little balls on your chest to sleep, how you can carry them everywhere with you and your arm doesnt feel like it is going to fall off, and most of all, I love the sound of a newborn cry and feeling those little fingers wrap around my hand. AMAZING! Oh yeah, and the first time that babies smile at you (not the gas smiles but a real bonafide smile). Oh, my heart melts just remembering it all! (Wasn't Grace beautiful!? Yes, I am completely and totally biased but whatever---she is gorgeous!)

Before the Hubby and I got married, we had the "do we want kids?" chat and we had decided that no, we would be Aunt Jaime and Uncle Bill who spoiled the hell out of all the kids but that we would not have any of our own. There were a few really good reasons we made that decision; things that are still true today, in fact. About 3 weeks later, the stick had 2 lines on it and all those conversations went out the window!!! Today, I couldn't imagine my life without my princess Grace. It was the best decision we ever made.

I am planning a baby shower for 2 of Hubby and my best friends. Always the event planner, I am going all out. Every new mom deserves a fabulous baby shower with all her friends. The invitations are ordered and the decor is in process. I have checked all her registries to see what she has alreayd got and even check to see if there is anything that I found to be a "must have" that she does not have listed. Love this stuff!

All this shower planning and goft searching has my ovaries in a tug-of-war. There are days, even a week at a time, that I really strongly, completely, feel the desire to be pregnant again and to have another child. There are other times that I feel like I am barely able to hold on to my life now and that another child would push me right over the edge.

Grace is just over 2 years old, right on target developmentally, and is such a happy little girl. She is socialable and loves to play with other kids...except when they are playing with her toys. Boy, can she be a spoiled brat when other kids come to play at our house!!! Okay, that is all for another post.......back to the game my ovaries are playing?

Do I want Baby #2 or is my family complete as a threesome? Can I manage 2 children? Are we ready for 2 kids? Can we afford 2 kids? Day care cost would double but I would still need to work. At that point, am I only working to pay the day care costs or am I actually bringing home money? What about medical issues---we rolled the dice once and so far we got lucky but will that happen again or will we have a Marfan child (Hubby has Marfan Syndrome and there is a 50% chance that his children will have it as well). Would Grace be better as an only child or oldest child?

We have such a fun life now and our house is always full of family and friends. Its not that I am lonely but I just feel that pull to babyhood so strongly sometimes. There are moments when it sometimes feels like there is something missing in the house. Is it baby #2? Or is it just that its a big house for 3 people?

Hubby isn't sure about another baby. There are these medical things that loom over the entire conversation all the time. What if? Well, again, there are no real answers there either...no tests to be done prior to or in early pregnancy. There is no family history beyond the Hubby to study and search for genetic patterns. We are on our own with this one until the kid(s) turn 3 when we start going to Johns Hopkins for test and a diagnosis. And money. Can we afford another one? The house is old, needs some work, and its big (=expensive) but we cant sell it. Its our home and was his home growing up and his mother left it to him when she passed away so that he could pass it on to his children. We both work fulltime. With baby #2, when do we get Us Time? What about schedules and traveling for work? Can we handle all that?

So many questions but never a complete answer.

Thud

There we were, sitting around the dining room table, enjoying our dessert (strawberry shortcake....yum!). Me and the hubby and another couple-friend of ours....otherwise known as the Monday Night Dinner Friends.

Thud, thud.

Thats all we heard. I ran upstairs. Grace's room is directly above the dining room.

I walked into her room and there she was. Adorable in her little hot pink nightgown, facing the wall in the corner of her room, whimpering. Her eyes were open but she was still half asleep, trying to find her bed but unfortunately, the bed is not in the wall! It was right next to her but it seems that Grace was determined to climb into the wall instead.

She fell out of her bed.

As far as I know, she has not that before. We made the switch to a toddler bed without much drama. After 2 nights, she was a champ in her big girl bed and we havent had a big issue with her getting out of bed constantly. Sure, we find her playing with her toys after naptime but in the mornings, she waits in her bed for us to come get her. Seriously---she is the best toddler in the world!

I felt horrible when I found her so I was a softy and let her come downstairs for a little while. She even managed to get into bed with us later for cuddletime at 11 pm. Only after she kicked me 3,827 times and was yelling "Get Up Daddy" at midnight did I return her to her own bed....the same one she fell out of earlier!!

But for those few minutes, I had a cuddly baby girl who was scared (the fall really shook her!) and only wanted her Mommy. She even rubbed my back when we went to bed. Its those small moments that make this craziness otherwise known as parenthood worth it all!

Changes

2 years ago, Grace came into my life and nothing (I mean, nothing) has been the same. Most of that is good but honestly---some of it plain old stinks! All I really want out of my day is to go to he bathroom with the door shut and maybe watch an entire sitcom in quiet.

My pre-mommy life was pretty damn fun. I worked at least 50 hours a week. When I wasnt at work, my then-boyfriend-now-hubby and I were always out doing something. Sometimes I was on the golf course with him and a buddy chasing down the beer cart, sometimes we were sitting in the pool with adult beverages at midnight, and most of the time, we were at our favorite restaurant/bar. I spent money on whatever I wanted----clothes, shoes, fancy expensive drinks. I even bought myself a $200 bottle of wine one day. Now it sits in my wine cellar fridge and ages to perfection! Happy hour? No problem---be there at 6 after the work is done. Shopping was a favorite hobby and I had a new work outfit every week!

Mommy-me?! Well, I still work but those late nights at the office have to be planned out at least 2 days ahead of time. Otherwise the day care schedule gets out of whack! WHen I am not at work, I am cleaning up Dora toys in the family room, teaching a 2 year old how to flush the potty, and when I do watch tv, I am also folding the 2 loads of laundry I did earlier in the day and ironing 5 pairs of pants and 10 shirts. Most of my time is spent working or taking care of the family/house/pets/etc.

Sure, my schedule changed when I had a baby. But the biggest changes are in myself. I have known for these past 2 years that motherhood changed me but this weekend, for some reason, it dawned on me. I am a completely new person. Not worse or better than the old one; just new. I dont mind spending Friday nights at home with the Hubby and toddler. So what if the hottest new band is playing downtown or if there is a wine dinner we are missing that night? Sitting at home dancing to the Laurie Berkner Band is much more fun! I still love to shop but I find myself spending all my money at Gymboree, Children's Place....they dont care my size!!!!

There are times when all I want to do is hit rewind for one night; to be the fun partying girl at the bar who has no responsibilites in the world. I miss those days sometimes. I miss happy hours, late nights after concerts, sleeping past 8 am, expensive wine dinner dates with the Hubby. But you know what? I only miss them once in awhile. When that happens, I call a Girls Night and out we go! (Except we are all getting older and when the clock hits 11 pm, we are ready to go home to bed! Sad, huh!?)

Motherhood has made me more compassionate, much more patient, and more family oriented than I ever thought possible. From the moment I met my Grace, I knew what love was. It still amazes me that the 38 inch person living in my house has so much power----the power to make me into this new person and to make me feel so much love.

My New Friend....Senor Laptop

The screen is a little smaller than I had wished and the wireless card isnt built in (I have to plug it into the side) but for $140, its a deal!!!

Yep, I got a new laptop today---built just for me by my Dad!!!

Hip-hip-hooray for my Dad!!! Now I must go to figure out all the toys on this thing!

T.G.I.F.

So, my inspiration is zero today so I end the week with these random questions. Enjoy! And if you feel so inclined (or if you have as little inspiration as I do today!), join in and let me know that you did!!!

Happy Friday Five!


1. If you were to spend all your vacations for the rest of your life in the same place, where would you want it to be? Tahiti. Never been there but I cant imagine getting bored with Paradise! Hubby and I were supposed to go there on our honeymoon but a little something (read: Grace in utero!) got in the way of those plans!!! So we still dream of a vacation to Tahiti, complete with private villa over the water with a glass floor so that you can see all the fish under your feet. Ahhh, just the thought of it makes me want a Pina Colada right now!

2. If you could have a secret listening device in any one room in the world, which room would it be? I have a very specific answer for this one. I dont know that I would want to have the device in a specific room all the time but there is one specific time that I would have wanted to listen in~ when my Hubby told my mother and father he was planning on proposing. Man, would I liked to hear that conversation. It was not a pretty situation as far as I know but none of them have truly revealed everything that was said in that room. I know bits and pieces but I would love to hear what was said for myself.

3. If you were to be a member of just one club or association, which would you choose? Right now, I would love to be a member of a Mommy's Club; one where there are kids Grace's age and other Moms who can relate to my working mom life. Other than that, I think I may have liked being in a sorority in college that I could still be involved with as an adult. I rushed in college and even had a favorite sorority but never pledged. Back then, I was WAY too cool for all that stuff. Oh yeah, and my mom really wanted me to be in a sorority so that was the last thing I was going to do!

4. If you were to migrate to another country and could just bring one thing that you currently own, what would it be? A digital camera with a memory stick full of all the pictures of the last 2 years of my life. Other items could be replaced but I need those pictures to remind me of all the happy times lately. Sometimes, I struggle to remember that life isnt always stressful and that sometimes I just need to slow down to enjoy things. The pictures of our wedding day remind me that while I didnt look the best I ever had and it wasnt the perfect day, it was the beginning of my life with my Hubby and that on that day, I received the greatest gift of all.....a partner to go through all the hard times and enjoy all the good times with in life. Pictures of Grace as she grew from a newborn to a toddler constantly remind me that time goes by so quickly and that I do really need to stop and enjoy my time with her now because soon enough, she will be a teenager and her mom will be the last person she wants to hang out with!

5. If you could've directed one film in history, which would be it? Gone With The Wind. To tell the story of Scarlett O'Hara would be my dream. In fact, I am reading that book AGAIN, for the 10th time, this summer. I never get tired of it and always find inspiration in Scarlett's courage and passion for her own Cause.

Wanted: Mommy Friends

When I was pregnant with Grace, I made a ton of assumptions about the new life I was starting as a Mommy. Some of those assumptions ended up right; most did not. The one that bothers me the most; my lack of Mommy friends.

Yes, I have friends who have children (MamaChix, SuperGirl is due in a few months, and a few HS friends) but 90% of them live in another state. We chat on the phone, exchange emails when we are bored at work, and even set up playdates during quick visits.

But where are those friends I dreamed about? Those local Mommy friends who have kids the same age as Grace. The weekly playdates. The outings to the zoo and to the park or even to the mall. The Mommy Club is the hardest group to break into. Just because you gave birth does not give you an automatic pass.

Monday, I took Grace to the playground. I was there for an hour. Not one other mother spoke to me though we all check each other out as we enter the playground! Grace played with some of the kids there but most of them were already in groups because they came to the park together. That is what I dreamed of.....me and my mommy friends meeting at thepalyground so we could chat and the kids could play. So where is my ticket into the club? Was it lost in the mail? Maybe the post office tried to deliver it and I wasnt home?

I have some of the best friends in the world; people who would drop everything if Grace needed them and who love her so much. I know that and am thankful for all those people in my life. But its hard to discuss the merits of time-outs vs spanking and naptime routines unless you have actually experienced them. Its impossible to describe the struggles of working mothers with someone who doesnt have children. Yes, you can chat about the surface things but what about the rest?

Growing up, my mom had friends with kids the same ages as hers. All of us kids grew up together and to this day, we have an "extended family". Those friendships are dearer to me than anything else in the world. I want that for Grace too.

Funny that when I started blogging, I found so many other mothers who feel the same way I do.....thanks internet mommy friends! When I looked around the playground on Monday, it seems like all the other mothers have such an easy time of making "Mommy Friends". So what am I doing wrong?

Mommy Truce

I finished the book last night....at midnight....hours after I should have been asleep. You know the book---dare I say its name? I dont want to start another battle; just want to share my thoughts and my pwn personal story. (okay, here it is in small print: Mommy Wars.)

My average day: I wake up, get myself ready for the day, creep into my daughter's room to sneak a kiss before heading out the door to the office. When the phone rings about 7:30 am, I know its my baby girl and her daddy calling to tell me good morning on their way to day care. As soon as the clock hits 4:00 pm, my computer is turned off and in the car I go so that I can get through the traffic and to my daughter by the 5:30 pm pickup time. 8:00 pm is bedtime so there are a few precious hours each day to spend with Grace. During that time, the dog needs to be fed, dinner must be made, errands run, and all the other household duties that come with being an adult.

Yesterday, I stayed home with Grace. Day care is on vacation and Hubby and I are trading days off through the week. I get Monday and Thursday at home and we are splitting the day today. Hubby gets Wednesday and Friday with her. While I do still have to work when I am at home (there are only 12 weeks until the biggest conference I have ever planned!), I like to pretend (at least for a day here and there) that I am the perfect SAHM for Grace. We met Daddy for lunch at his office followed by Grace's naptime, when I picked up the house, did 2 loads of laundry, worked on the computer for a little while, and actually read 3 chapters of Gone With The Wind. We went to the playground and bookstore in the afternoon before Daddy got home and I made dinner for the family. I managed to do it all and I loved it.

Today I am in the office. I feel charged when I am working, making decisions, and seeing the conference come together. The feeling I get when I am standing in front of my co-workers making a presentation, reviewing proposals, and planning a once-in-a-lifetime event gets me so excited. I feel like I am accomplishing something important. I know---I am not balancing the national budget or bringing the troops home from the war or even making the streets safer but to 1500 people out there, I am the one who is planning the largest conference in their industry; the person who is planning the educational sessions that will lead to their certifications; the person who is making sure that their trip to Nashville in October is worth their $1000 expense to attend. That, my friends, makes me tick. It doesnt matter at the office if I made those muffins from scratch or bought them at Safeway. It doesnt matter if my child is wearing brand name diapers or if I bought the Costco brand again. None of that matters. The only thing that matters to the people I work with is the success of the conference.

I got lucky with my new job. My boss is flexible, understanding, and sees the struggle I go through each day when it is time to leave. I cant wait to run out the door to see my Grace but at the same time, I know that there are contracts to read, speakers to email, and catering menus to order. This week, she is letting my set my own office schedule to accommodate day care's vacation. As she says all the time: "Family will be there long after this job is gone. Take care of them first and us second. Work from home if you need to and take time off if you need to. Just make sure that baby girl is happy, safe, and loved". (I know---I am extremely lucky when it comes to bosses!).

My life isny balanced. Sometimes, work gets neglected for the sake of my family. Sometimes, I miss bedtimes because I am traveling for work. There are morning that I cry on my way to work because I dont want to leave Grace behind but there are also days that the empty car is just what I need. I never know which day it will be until I pull up to day care. I know my family needs me to work and I know that Grace is well taken care of, loved, and happy--sometimes its me who gives that to her and sometimes it day care. She has so many people, beyond her Daddy and me, that love her and I am at peace knowing that if she ever needs someone to talk to, there are so many people who will be there to hug her and kiss her and help her.

Did I choose this crazy, time-starved life? I guess so. I dont know. Some days, I know that I made the right decision; to return to work after a 3 month maternity leave. Other days I hate myself for leaving my baby girl at day care and driving off to work in an empty car. Other times I realize that there really isnt much of a choice to be made; that my family needs me to work and that I am doing the best I can with what I have. Mostly, I just go back and forth, questioning myself, my decision, and, most of all, I question whether it is okay for me to love my career as well as my family.

1LT Jeffrey Kaylor, My Hero

To end the Independence Day week, I want to honor a special solider.

His name is Jeffrey Kaylor. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together in Northern Virginia. He always had a smile on his face, always said hello in the crowded hallways at high school, and was the kindest person. He died on April 7, 2003 in Baghdad.

Friends, families, and strangers have all left messages for Jeff. I like to think that he reads them daily; that he knows how much he was loved and how much he is missed today. We are starting to plan our 10 year high school reunion and I cant help but be sad that Jeff (or Ffej as he was known by his best friends) wont be there with us.

Please keep Jeff, his wife, and his entire family in your prayers. We are free because of his sacrifice.

Jeff: You died fighting for our country. Fighting for all the freedoms that we have. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for keeping the country safe for my family and my daughter. Rest in peace. You live on in all of our hearts and you will never be forgotten. You are my hero.

Click here to learn more about Jeff and his sacrifice.

The Fourth

I took the weekend off...from everything. Well, from work and blogs anyways. The break was nice. From Saturday morning until last night, I sat either by the pool or in the pool all day long. Wish I could do that everyday!

Most of the weekend went by pretty smoothly. Friends and family coming and going. You see, the Fourth is a BIG deal at my house. Ever since the Hubby was in college and all the fraternity brothers would come home with him and party all weekend, there has been a Fourth of July party around the pool every single year. The party normally lasts a few days...taking up the entire holiday weekend and ending with a fireworks show on the Fourth. The same thing happened this year; traditions must love on!

Except that yesterday was pretty eventful.

Middle of the day, a massive storm rolled through DC pretty suddenly. At the end of the 30 minute storm, we went outside the survey the damage. No power at the house (which also means no water because we have a well and no flushing toilets and no showers!). The pool was filled with leaves and other stuff from the yard. Grace's little playhouse was on the other side of the yard from where it began. And the great big beautiful tree on the side yard? It was struck my lightening and is now laying across the yard. My guess is the tree was somewhere between 25 and 35 feet tall and HUGE! But no more. We were lucky though---my neighbors have trees ON their houses and across their driveways and blocking their front walks.

No big deal....the party continued by candle light in the house and as long as the pool was open, we were fine! Until the fireworks show. We got no big finale because just as all the guys had things lined up, the county's finest showed up to yell at us for having fireworks that were not purchased in this state.

All in all, a fun weekend and now I have a year to recover before the next one!