7/12/06

Wanted: Mommy Friends

When I was pregnant with Grace, I made a ton of assumptions about the new life I was starting as a Mommy. Some of those assumptions ended up right; most did not. The one that bothers me the most; my lack of Mommy friends.

Yes, I have friends who have children (MamaChix, SuperGirl is due in a few months, and a few HS friends) but 90% of them live in another state. We chat on the phone, exchange emails when we are bored at work, and even set up playdates during quick visits.

But where are those friends I dreamed about? Those local Mommy friends who have kids the same age as Grace. The weekly playdates. The outings to the zoo and to the park or even to the mall. The Mommy Club is the hardest group to break into. Just because you gave birth does not give you an automatic pass.

Monday, I took Grace to the playground. I was there for an hour. Not one other mother spoke to me though we all check each other out as we enter the playground! Grace played with some of the kids there but most of them were already in groups because they came to the park together. That is what I dreamed of.....me and my mommy friends meeting at thepalyground so we could chat and the kids could play. So where is my ticket into the club? Was it lost in the mail? Maybe the post office tried to deliver it and I wasnt home?

I have some of the best friends in the world; people who would drop everything if Grace needed them and who love her so much. I know that and am thankful for all those people in my life. But its hard to discuss the merits of time-outs vs spanking and naptime routines unless you have actually experienced them. Its impossible to describe the struggles of working mothers with someone who doesnt have children. Yes, you can chat about the surface things but what about the rest?

Growing up, my mom had friends with kids the same ages as hers. All of us kids grew up together and to this day, we have an "extended family". Those friendships are dearer to me than anything else in the world. I want that for Grace too.

Funny that when I started blogging, I found so many other mothers who feel the same way I do.....thanks internet mommy friends! When I looked around the playground on Monday, it seems like all the other mothers have such an easy time of making "Mommy Friends". So what am I doing wrong?

5 comments:

Bri said...

I feel your pain Momma! I think it's different now for moms. Competition, crazy schedules and people move all over (see the last 5 years of my life!). So its the exception, not the norm, to form solid mommy relationships. I recently looked into some Mommy and Me things - maybe you and Gracie could do the same...a weekly activity at My Gym could hook you into the exclusive mommy groups...

In the mean time - hold strong - our friends are all on the cusp of procreation! We're such trendsetters :P

Anonymous said...

THIS IS FROM ONE OF MY "EXTENDED FAMILY SISTERS"....SHE IS GERAT! I WANTED TO SHARE HER COMMENT WITH YOU.

So, just read your blog. I assume the whole mommy club would be tough to break into, like a new job and trying to fit in with the lunch crowd. I see it a lot at my work, a group of moms who are all cliquey and the one mom off to the side who drops off and picks up and it makes me sad. you are not that girl, no way, way too cool for that..and think in a year in a half hopefully we will have kids around the same age and Grace although older will be the one everyone looks up to. And you know I am more then happy to accompany you on any mommy outing, and i can be the crazy obnoxious overdressed(sexy I may add) aunt with the martini glass and cig in her mouth..hahahah, just kidding. Seriously, i wll go hang at the park if it means we can gossip and laugh at Grace, I know it won't be the same as another mom, but i am a teacher and kind of know about this stuff:0 You should join tiny tots on Sat or one morning a week this fall and you are bound to meet people there. think about it, $95 for 10 weeks, once a week.

Betsy Wasser said...

How old is your daughter? I might be able to hook you up with some cool moms

Mary P. said...

I've lived this. I see many bloggers say the same thing. I wonder: is the reason we love blogging so much because here we find the friends we just don't seem to mesh with in our neighbourhoods? It's easy to find someone like-minded when the pool is a few million (yay, Blogger!); not so likely when the pool is only the twelve other mothers at the playgroup in the local community centre.

sparklykatt said...

Boy can I relate. I finally made one good friend who was local, and we just seemed to mesh so well. And then her husband got a residency in Nashville and they moved a few weeks ago. She is my only mommy friend that I feel truly, 100% comfortable with.