Today It All Worked

With two full time jobs between Hubby and I, three kids with very different schedules and needs, and medical issues that always seem to need attention, each day is different here.  

My grey hairs grow pretty quickly (and let me tell you - I am WAY overdue for a visit to my hair guy - note to self....schedule that pronto!).  Almost every day, I have an internal dialogue with myself about how tomorrow/next week/next month/next project, things are going to run smoothly and efficiently and exactly as planned.  Come back to read more after you stop laughing!!! :) 

Hubby and I run through schedules quick and decide who is taking which kid to their school/daycare in the morning and which one of us can be back on this side of town in time for pickup each day.  Its a give and take and beg and plead kind of situation.  

But sometimes, the madness just works.  

Today was one of those days.  And so it deserves a blog post to mark the occasion. 

Traffic cooperated this afternoon so I could drive from Point A to B to C for Grace's post-op appointment.  Then we rushed, through traffic again, to Point D and E for day care pick ups with perfect timing.  Dinner was in the slow cooker when we walked into the house. No one cried over the chosen menu tonight.  Bedtime was met with hugs and kisses and zero tears.  Homework got done and the violin was practiced.  

On top of all that, I wrote a list of eight things that needed completion tonight for a special event client of mine --- with the event less than a month away, we have a million details to confirm.  Six of those items are checked off and done. Not too bad! 

Weekdays are tough - there is such little time each day when we are all home and awake together. Most nights, Hubby and I see each other over the tops of our laptops on the couch.  Tonight, I can see the top of his head in the recliner as I sit in my office corner confirming event lighting and catering menus. 

I am typing this out and that inner dialogue is running. WHAT about today made things go exactly as planned?  WHY today? WHO made all that happen so well? And I think the answer is really simple - while at work, while with Grace at the doctor, feeding the kids dinner, and then working at home - I was 100% (okay, 90%) focused on the task in front of me.  I wasn't juggling three things at one time - the list was on the counter for work time so I was able to stop thinking of what needed to be done and just enjoy chatting with the kids tonight.  I was able to focus on Grace's medical questions at the doctor and plan out the next surgery without listening to the beeping of incoming emails.  

It's crazy and exhausting and sometimes its really hard to get through the day.  But days like today remind me that it's all possible.  

A Note Left for Mom

You hear all the time that once you are a parent, nothing is ever the same.  That everything changes.  And it does - there is no denying that.

Its been almost 12 years since I first became someone's Mom.  It amazes me still that those nurses let me leave the hospital with a brand new baby with no users manual or schedule or task list - nothing but me and the Hubby and our new car seat.

Every phase is hard.  You miss hours of sleep and then you worry about food allergies as they learn to eat. Eventually they learn to walk and can destroy a room in 4 seconds flat.  Don't forget about those epic temper tantrums in public places!  Its exhausting.

In our house, there are three kids - all in different phases....one toddler almost preschool age, one pre-K, and the oldest almost in middle school.  We are parenting in three different styles at all times. Often, people comment that the baby must be the hardest one.....actually, no.

Right now, navigating the new world of the Preteen has consumed my parenting.  Because she is preteen, I have to start editing what I share about her - its her story to tell when/how/if she decides. What I can tell you is that smiles hide insecurity, un-returned texts are sometimes a way to hide jealousy, and friends who never leave your side no matter what mean everything.

I am constantly fighting a battle with myself - am I giving the kids enough attention? Do they understand that late nights at work aren't my choice - but I am doing it for them, to make sure they have what they need.  Do they get it when there is a little tough love to learn that life isn't always fair but that we love them all the time?

Parenting is hard............but notes like this left on my desk make all those hard moments completely and totally worth it.

Making It Happen - The New Plan

I just finished a huge event at work - over 2,000 people at a regional trade show.  Pretty great event if I say so myself....and I am pretty psyched that the evaluations agree with me.  Who doesn't like when their work is validated that way?!

Now that life isn't focused around the crazy pre-event days or the late night work sessions after the kids' bedtimes, I find myself a little lost. There are so many things on the normal to do list but I am struggling to focus my energy.  

Those who know me well know this about me: I do best in crazy times.  Give me 3 deadlines, a school event, house projects, and for good measure - add a medical appointment or two.  I may be running around 15 hours a day but I thrive in that.  I focus, I prioritize, and it gets done.  It all happens.  

Give me downtime and my mind wanders.  I think about the 17 different paths to accomplish one goal and guess what - at the end of the day, I haven't started down any of those paths.  

Is it the fear of the downtime that keeps me from getting this list completed? If the list is never done, there is always something to rush around to complete. Do I just secretly want to not accomplish these goals - are these goals one I THINK I want but deep down really don't? I have no idea. 

Finding a way to keep myself on task and motivated is the newest biggest goal - first step - HOW?! Since I know that I need external deadlines/pressure to "make it happen", I am creating that myself in my office.  A white board - on my wall for my boss, my coworkers and even my visitors to see.  Every Friday, I will spend an hour organizing the week ahead and posting the 5 top priorities/tasks to complete.  Having them up there for everyone to see should help me ensure they get crossed off - because nobody wants to be questioned about why your to do list for 5 months ago is still posted on the wall! 

Today is Friday. Step 1 complete - hang whiteboard. Step 2 --- off to find some Dry Erase markers! 

Back At It

I could write an entire post full of excuses of WHY it has taken me 6 months to come back here.  But really - do you want to read those? My guess is no.  Because you know them; I bet many of you live those same excuses.

Summary: Life happened.  Some pretty awesome stuff and some not-so-awesome stuff. but guess what - we survived (again) and here we are.

I miss writing.  I miss having a place to put my thoughts to paper...or at least the keyboard.  And I miss the thought that maybe somewhere, someone reads this blog (besides me) and finds something redeeming about it.

And so, I am back to the blog.  I have even scheduled time in my planner to write - because these days, if it's not in my planner, it doesnt happen.  First writing day is tomorrow so stay tuned! :)

Transitioning Back To Work

Three years ago, I said goodbye to one of my favorite jobs ever - the people, the work, everything about that position was amazing. My career took more leaps and bounds forward during my time there than anywhere else.

New head shot for the new job!
Photo by Chuck Fazio

My family needed me home part-time and so I was.  Except I really wasn't.  While I drove the Mom Taxi around town for kid activities and ran errands, I was playing post-op nurse for the Hubby and working part-time at another association as well as working on launching my own event business (a dream of mine since......forever!).

Now today, well two months ago to be exact, I went back to work.  Back to the Monday through Friday schedule, back to rush hour commuting, and back to the office.  The kids miss me and I miss them.   The baby is at day care and the two older kids are still home with the Hubby for now as he is still working on recovery himself.

There have been moments but the transition has gone pretty smoothly.  How?

Routine.  We have pretty defined routines in the morning. Down to who gets each kid up and dressed and what breakfast options are.  It really keeps arguments and delays in the morning down to a minimum.

I get up before any of the kids are awake - or at least the kids are still in a bed quiet.  It lets me get dressed and hair/makeup on (aka let's me transform!) before the madness of dressing the kids and making breakfast.

Organize All The "Stuff".  Once I am downstairs, that's it.  I try to bring everything I need downstairs with me the first time so there is less up and down and up and down runs as the clock ticks down to departure time.  Some mornings I manage this perfectly - most mornings I can limit my up and down trip to one extra trip - not bad!!!!! My work bag is packed and ready before I go to bed each night.

Work is for Work.  Home is for Family.  So far I have managed to not bring work home.  I have talked about work but no files or email from home. Hopefully I can keep work from taking over my home life --- close to event times that may not be totally possible, I am going to try to protect my family time.  When I do have work to do (beside the full time job, I am managing my IT WORKS business and my wedding/special event planning company too!), I wait until after bedtime to open the laptop.

Staying Connected During The Day.  The fact that the Hubby is still home probably makes this a little easier.  The kids still have a parent at home and they haven't had to alter their activities.  I get to text or call the house to check in anytime and I get pics during the day to feel connected to whatever they are doing during the day. This will change once Hubby goes back to work but for now, its great.

Focus on The Good Stuff.  Loving my work helps too - I don't dread sitting down at my desk each day and even on those days when the clock moves slowly, I don't hate being there.   I miss my kids.  I miss eating lunch with them and reading books and taking them on daytime outings.  I even miss the madness of trying to get two little ones to take naps at the same time.  I could spend all day thinking about what I am missing but instead I focus on what goodness this transition brings to my family ---- stable income, happier mommy, and the chance for the kids to see that other adults in their life (teachers, day care, friends) are there to help them and love them too.

The honeymoon phase of a new job is pretty close to over --- it feels normal again to be a full-time-working-outside-the-house-mom.  Loving it now and looking forward to more great adventures ahead for us in this new normal.

Friends

We - and yes, I am speaking for my whole family - are pretty high maintenance friends.  We don't want to be but we are.  Over the past few years, we have asked a lot of our friends from needing overnight and long term help with the kids to sitting in hospitals and not being able to help with carpools or outings. 

Someone said one day "oh you guys got this!".  Well, yeah we do because there isn't really another option.  And since we have done this before - this major surgery and then recovery - it looks as if its easy and just a simple process.  Part of me is glad that we are able to fall into this routine quickly (makes it easier on the kids) but what isn't seen is the exhaustion, the pain, the paperwork and bills, the shelf full of medications with a morning, afternoon, and evening routine.  And the loneliness - that may be one of the worst parts. 

Friendships are so hard for me lately.  The past handful of years have been difficult in that way.  I look back and there are just so many friendships that have fallen to the wayside. Some I know why and some I don't.  I see my friends all hanging out with each other and I miss being part of the group.  I hold on to these silly inside-jokes from years ago because they make me feel like somehow, I am still connected.  That somewhere in there, the friendship is still there.

Being friends with me this year meant listening to the current medical issues and hearing me ask for help again with the kids or house.  No part of my life went untouched by the medical and career roller coaster of this year. I was - and frankly still am - so wrapped up in my family's own transitions and worries that I am completely blind to what kind of friend my friends need me to be for them.  I am so sorry for that.

I have been lonely.  I have been angry.  I have been jealous.  This year, I have said no to most celebratory occasions with our friends - missed birthdays, baptisms and baby dedications, and I am sure there are events that happened that I don't even know about.   I will forever be sad to have missed those moments.

I have changed.  These experiences have changed me - they have made me more sure of what I want, they have made me more anxious, they have made me more focused on my family's needs over anything else at all times no matter what, and they have made me stronger than ever.  They have also made me realize what to get upset about and what, frankly, isn't a huge massive issue and therefore not one I deal with for long.  I have also realized how lonely we are - how isolated we feel from the very social life we lived just a year ago. 

I am not good at reaching out.  I am not good at intimate conversations -- I hate hate hate confrontation. I can write and so I do that.  And I hope that one day....well, I don't know.  But I know that I miss my friends. 

Goals and Vision

In October, I started what has become the new normal around here --- staying home with the kids while also trying to pick up some jobs here and there to contribute to the household bills.  It wasnt by choice but here we are.  Don't get my wrong - I love being with my kids.  I love that Will is getting to go to preschool at our awesome church --- it's part-time so not really an option if we both had fulltime, out of the house jobs.  I love seeing Delaney turn from a baby to a toddler, learning new things from ME every day.   Being able to spend time with Grace during the week is awesome as I know that my days of being cool enough to acknowledge are coming to an end soon (teenage years aren't too far away!).  

What has been missing is focus, is motivation, and is a sense of contribution and excitement.  For me at least. I NEED to have a plan and a schedule and things to do. I need to feel like I am contributing to our life, not just spending it all.

Today I created my vision board - my goals.  And I am putting them out here for you all to see.  THIS is what I am working for.  I am working my IT WORKS business and my True Story Events business to reach these goals. I WILL reach them.  They may take me 2 months or maybe 2 years.  But I WILL do it.  Days will be more structured here.  Kids schedules and my own work schedule will be set.  Every time you see me out and about, I will be working on one of these things.

Know what's SO great about this board --- some of the goals are serious things (savings, paying bills) but there is fun in there too.  Don't discount my fun goals as ones that can be discarded....they cannot.

Disney Cruise is SO important to me - last summer, my parents took our entire family on a Disney Cruise.  A trip of a lifetime for my family.  13 people total.  But, because the Hubby was so sick and so recently out of the OR, he had to stay home.  He didn't get to see Castaway Cay or hang out with Mickey on the pool deck.  He wasn't there to watch the kids eye light up when they found a character on the boat and he didn't get to experience the beauty of the sitting on the balcony watching the ocean go by.  I went with the kids and my family - we had a great time.  But for me, something was missing during the trip because I didn't have my whole family there.  Being able to take us back on that boat WITH the hubby this time would be a dream come true.  And well, the NKOTB cruise ---- this mama needs some fun and there isn't a more fun trip I could think of than my friends and I with the New Kids!!!!!

So there is its my friends.  My vision board.

Now, let's do this!!!

Glorious Mess

This quote landed in my Inbox the other day.  I love quotes.  I love to find new ones to kick start my day or to find inspiration in or to motivate me. If we are Facebook friends (if not, we should be!!), you know this about because I post them a lot.  But this quote - it shook me.  A mess?  Why would this quote find its way into a "Inspiratonal Quote of the Day" series??

It's my favorite quote ever.

Every day we all wake up and do out very best to present ourselves to the outside world as productive, responsible, put-together, non-mess adults.  We edit our Facebook posts to only show the positives in our life.  Instagram is just snapshots of the split seconds of our days that are cute, funny, or share-worthy.  But seriously?!  Is there anyone you know that really has it all together?

What we hide from the world is our mess.  But why?  Are we afraid that people will think less of us?  Scared that we won't be that perfect neighbor or the co-worker with it all figured out?

I am a mess.  And this past year, I was the biggest mess I have ever been.  But I hide my mess.  I kept the messy emotions and needs deep down inside --- from the outside, I was managing my career, household, medical incidents, and everything else with organization, strength, and humor.  Underneath, a total mess.  The humor --- can't cry when you are laughing.  The strength - well, I was the sole able adult at our house for a couple weeks; did I really have a choice about putting my two feet on the floor running every morning?   Organized?  Yea, a little.  At the beginning, my medical binder came off the bookshelf - doctor notes, test results, and insurance paperwork was filed by date immediately.  Now, the binder really a folder of papers not in their sections and most definitely not in date order.  But the info is there so that's a plus right?!

It wasn't until a friend reached out and said "I know you are a mess and so I am stepping in to help" that I realized, showing my mess inside isn't a bad thing.  That people understand.  That they are a mess too.  And that sometimes being a mess is better than being all put together.

My mess IS my strength.  It makes me ME.  It makes my days interesting - never know what's going to happen!  It makes me push ahead to the next day, to the next challenge.   It makes me human and life more interesting.

So, let's show our messes - our real glorious selves.

My Why

After a summer full of heartaches and disappointments and struggles, I took a leap of faith and bet on myself.

As of this month, I am an Independent Distributor for IT WORKS.  Have you tried that crazy wrap thing?!  If not, you should....they are amazing.  But this post isnt about the products...it is about My Why.  Why am I doing this?  Why did I take this chance?  Why am I pushing myself so hard on this? 

This is why: 

My babies. I took this leap of faith into a new business for them.  I am pushing myself hard from day one to make this work - to make my new IT WORKS business one that will help pay some bills and help support my family.  The products are wonderful - we are already using several of them here and they are making a very positive difference in our lives.  My energy level is up, my motivation and general attitude is soaring -- I am happy, focused, and excited about this venture.  

So, that is my WHY.  I am doing this for my family.

My IT Works website - visit to check out ALL the products! 

Facebook: Jaime's Rockin Wraps

On A Jet Plane

It's the best view in a week. After 8 days in Vegas - working long days at the trade show, I am almost home.

Only one more take off and one more landing until I am home with the family.

First 24 Hours

The Vegas Strip.




Jennifer and I hanging at....where else - Margaritaville!!!!

My hotel room office --- not bad huh?! 

Miss Them Already

I leave tomorrow for 8 days.  Vegas for 8 days.  I know I shouldn't complain --- travel really can be fun, even work-travel.  And let's be honest -- the only time I will ever go to Vegas is for work.  Been there a few times and it's just not somewhere we would go as a vacation. But, despite the loooooong work days of being on my feet and friendly and happy and smiling, we will have fun. 

And I think I have the house.....and kids....and hubby....reday for my absense.  Chore chart is on a roll so that should be easy to keep moving.  Family calendar is posted and updated with the bus schedule, acitivity times, and the Nanny Binder already has notes for each day next week.  Babysitters are lined up for various evenings and birthdya party presents are purchased and ready for parties.

Now, all I have to do is get on the plane and knw that, even though I will miss my family like crazy, this is a good thing -- its good bonding time for Hubby and the kids.  And its good for the kiddos to see Mommy can have a career and be with them as often as possible. 

It will be good for me too -- being onsite always energizes me.  And a little relaxing on the plane won't hurt either!

Back To School Eve

Tonight is much like New Year's Eve --- one that marks the end of one year and the beginning of another.  For us, it's the end of The Summer of 2nd Grace and the beginning of 3rd Grade. ((side note -- OMG - when did she grow up to be in 3rd grade already!?!?!?)).  For me, it also feels like the beginning of a new way of being for our family.

Last week was the last week that Will went to day care in someone else's home.  We loved A -- she is truly an angel and A took amazing, stunning, remarkable, and simply wonderful care of both our children.  We have made a big leap and have hired a nanny at our house.

In an effort to find a happier balance for me, the kids, and our family -- and quite honestly,keep myself emotionally healthy --- I took a parttime job.  Somehow I found a way to do it all --- keep my career moving forward and be at the bus stop each day for Grace.  I also get time with my little boy before he grows up too much. 

It was this way for the last month of school - but tomorrow, it starts "for real".  I have a week long work trip to start this "new life" --- once I am back, I will be at the bus stop, at PTO meetings, and helping out at Girl Scout meetings.  And I will also be creating event marketing blog posts and brochures and graphics.  Maybe this way, I can have it all.

After all the changes these past few years - and all the hard times and all the good times too --- I am so looking forward to having this time with my family, who, in the end, are the most important thing in the world to me.  It's a new year -- and I cannot wait for it to start!

Its go-go-go around here!

There are times that all I want to do is nothing.  To sit still for more than 5 minutes and do nothing.  Be in charge of nothing.  Have nothing on the calendar.  Need to get nothing done for that part of the day.

That is not the case right now.

I have a full plate.  In fact, and let's be honest here, my plate may be a little overflowing.  One more thing added to it and it may fall apart but right now, its perfectly full.

New job is great!  Learning the ropes and starting to do some work.  Part of our team is offsite 100% of the time but this week, everyone is here.  It really is so beneficial to meet people in person instead of just over the phone or email.  So its only been a 2 weeks but I am loving it! (Hi Max --- since I know you read this now!)

School is ending soon and summer is ramping up --- which means all my kid activity parent stuff starts.  The End of the School Year picnic -- yep, I couldnt say no and now I am in charge.  A month to go and the to do list is still pretty long.  Keyboard lessons and practice every week.  Swim team gets started this weekend -- and I am in charge of the coaching staff.

Busy busy busy.  And loving it.

First Step To A New Plan

For years --- well, ever since I started my event planning career, I said I wanted to start my own company one day.  I think that day is closer now.

I had an interview this afternoon.  It was great -- job sounds like something I will really enjoy.  Its in the same type of role I was in before but really focuses on the marketing and promotion of events instead of logistics.  And even better, part time.

Which means when I was asked about my schedule, for the first time EVER, I was totally honest and said "I want to volunteer at my daughter's school.  I want to sign the baby up for the fun little baby gym classes on a weekday morning.  And I want to be able to see my family during daylight on a regular basis.  I also want a career and job that I am good at and that I enjoy doing.  Getting some bills paid would be nice too."

It also means that I will be home for the bus every day.  And I will be able to volunteer to be the End of the Year Picnic chair at Grace's school.  Even better, I will be able to spend some time devoted to starting my own company. Maybe one day I will be able to depend completely on it for my income. Until then, I am pretty psyched to just be taking the first steps.

More later. I promise.  Until then, cross your fingers I get this part time gig; the rest of my plans totally depend on it.

Wanted: A Thrid Row

We are starting to return to real life - I am back at work and Hubby is starting to drive again for short trips around town.  Grace is hanging with her friends at day care and Will has even started at his own day care (and yes, this makes me all sorts of sad so we will simply not talk about that alot, k?!). 

And with all the new normal happening for us, I realize that we need more room.  I love my car......its a great reliable and fun car.  Love it.  But we have maxed out the capacity --- two car seats in the back seat and Hubby and I in the front.  No one else can do anywhere with us.  And now that Grace is starting her own social life that requires Mom's Taxi Service, it does create an issue sometimes.

I am not in a rush to get a new car and I definitely dont want to add another huge bill to our monthly life either.  But yesterday, we went out to see what was on a neighborhood used car lot.  I found a few cars I really liked.  Even brought one home to test out overnight.  Love the car.  Love how it looks, how it drives, the options included, the handling, the seats are comfy, and it has three rows.  But its not the right car.  None of the cars I can afford were the right car. 

The pesky third row in the SUVs eliminates all the useful truck space.....if I cant use the third row AND have the stroller and a few bags in the trunk space, what's the point of having the larger car? Folding the third row down just isnt the answer -=-- why have a new car payment and not use the extra space I want to have?  UGH.

And so I decided today, I must swallow my pride.........looks like a minivan will be parked in our driveway soon. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow but soon.

A minivan mom I will become.  Please dont remind me that I said it would never happen to me. 

On The Road Again

With doctor's note in hand, I boarded a plane yesterday and woke up this morning in Jacksonville, Florida.  Traveling 32 1/2 weeks pregnant is a totally different experience than any other travel experience.

1.  People really are nice . It amazed me how thoughtful and nice other passengers and airline staff were to me during the trip.  Normally you are lucky to get a small smile when you say hello to the person sitting next to you on the short flight from ATL to JAX.  Not this time.  My plane neighbors were putting my bag in the overhead for me.  They were making sure I had bottled water all the time.  They chatted with me when I walked the aisles to try to avoid the leg cramps that come from sitting too long. 

2.  Cheese is everywhere.  With this whole gallbladder issue, eating meals takes more thought than I am used to.  And eating lunch en route is hard.  A fiesta salad from Moe's just isnt the same without the cheddar cheese.

3.  Baby in the Belly = Ask Mama Weird Questions.  As soon as people realize you are pregnant, the questions begin.  And even though everyone was really nice, they also asked questions that just seemed weird to ask a stranger.  Was this pregnancy planned or an accident?  Any complications?  Is the baby a boy or girl?  Oh, you dont know.  Have you thought about circumsion and vaccines yet for your new one? (seriously someone asked me this between DC and ATL!).  What is it about pregnancy that makes random people think these questions arent personal and maybe should not be asked of the 8 month pregnant stranger next to them on the plane!!! 

But I am here and the trip was fine.  Real work begins today for me......precon and then errands for conference and golf!!!

Can I Get One More Hour, Please?!

The eternal struggle - I just need one more hour each day.  I could do so much with that hour.  But then again, when I look back at my day, I realize that I wasted so many minutes that I did have that extra hour - I just didnt use it well.  I mean, really, I didnt NEED to sit and read the entire Gla.mour magazine the day it came in the mail.  Instead, I could have folded that laundry that is still in the dryer or I could have cleaned the kitchen and dining room or even sorted all the piles of papers in the home office.

But I didnt.

At work, going into conference time, I am uber-organized.  Binders, files, and lists are all over my office and perfectly color-coded and together.  The day after the big event, all goes to hell.  My office looks like a tornado blew through - granted its all from the shipment that just returned but still...it looks bad!!

It amazes me that as organized as I can be at work, I am nowhere near that at home.  Things just happen at the house -there hasnt been a real system of organization there.

I am feeling inspired.  One of the projects is to organize life.  Mine.  Hubby's.  Grace's.  All of us getting on a schedule and getting things done so that we actually have free time, not time we are spending doing fun things knowing that we should be doing something else.

Today - I am calendar-ing for the next few months.  At the office I mean.  I started a home calendar a few weeks ago and even though Hubby hasnt gotten used to checking it, I am loving it.  Except when I look at it and realize there is something for one of us on every single day between now and the first week of April. 

With all that going on and knowing that more is coming, I just want to get us all on one page.  There are a few work trips for me, doctor appointments to make for Hubby and Grace, and all of Grace's activities. 

Any great tips out there for keeping a family schedule somewhat organized?!  As Grace is getting older and has her own little social life, it just gets harder and harder.......I feel like we are pulled in 3 different directions all the time.  It would be nice to have actual time to spend as a family, NOT doing errands of some kind.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow!

Tomorrow, I rejoin the working world - commute, emails and voice mails all day long, and office politics - here I come. 

For 3 1/2 weeks, I have been home, taking care of the hubby as he recovers from open heart surgery. Its been exhausting at times, relaxing at times, and there were even times that I enjoyed being home playing nurse.  We had a lot of together time...not really talking about deep issues but just time to hang out.

Now I am heading back to the office and to real life.  Part of me is really looking forward to getting back - honestly, being at home the past week or so has been a little lonely for both of us.  Sure, we love to hang out but I think we are both missing the little bit of social life we had - Hubby's ability to grab a beer with the guys or my work events after the day is over to see all my industry buddies.  Starting tomorrow, we may be able to get some of that back.  Little by little, Hubby is getting that back too. 

We still have a long way to go in recovery but I am hopefully that tomorrow is the first step back to the normal insanity we call our life.

I Know the Grass is Greener but....................................

..........there are some days that all I want to do is pack up my pictures and my "stuff" and head home....to stay there. Away from office politics and away from expectations impossible to meet (cause they keep changing and getting higher and higher!). I just want to be able to breathe easily for more than 2 seconds....just for a little while...even just a day would be nice.

But then again, the cell phone bill, the preschool bill, and the pool boy all need to be paid.