Today It All Worked

With two full time jobs between Hubby and I, three kids with very different schedules and needs, and medical issues that always seem to need attention, each day is different here.  

My grey hairs grow pretty quickly (and let me tell you - I am WAY overdue for a visit to my hair guy - note to self....schedule that pronto!).  Almost every day, I have an internal dialogue with myself about how tomorrow/next week/next month/next project, things are going to run smoothly and efficiently and exactly as planned.  Come back to read more after you stop laughing!!! :) 

Hubby and I run through schedules quick and decide who is taking which kid to their school/daycare in the morning and which one of us can be back on this side of town in time for pickup each day.  Its a give and take and beg and plead kind of situation.  

But sometimes, the madness just works.  

Today was one of those days.  And so it deserves a blog post to mark the occasion. 

Traffic cooperated this afternoon so I could drive from Point A to B to C for Grace's post-op appointment.  Then we rushed, through traffic again, to Point D and E for day care pick ups with perfect timing.  Dinner was in the slow cooker when we walked into the house. No one cried over the chosen menu tonight.  Bedtime was met with hugs and kisses and zero tears.  Homework got done and the violin was practiced.  

On top of all that, I wrote a list of eight things that needed completion tonight for a special event client of mine --- with the event less than a month away, we have a million details to confirm.  Six of those items are checked off and done. Not too bad! 

Weekdays are tough - there is such little time each day when we are all home and awake together. Most nights, Hubby and I see each other over the tops of our laptops on the couch.  Tonight, I can see the top of his head in the recliner as I sit in my office corner confirming event lighting and catering menus. 

I am typing this out and that inner dialogue is running. WHAT about today made things go exactly as planned?  WHY today? WHO made all that happen so well? And I think the answer is really simple - while at work, while with Grace at the doctor, feeding the kids dinner, and then working at home - I was 100% (okay, 90%) focused on the task in front of me.  I wasn't juggling three things at one time - the list was on the counter for work time so I was able to stop thinking of what needed to be done and just enjoy chatting with the kids tonight.  I was able to focus on Grace's medical questions at the doctor and plan out the next surgery without listening to the beeping of incoming emails.  

It's crazy and exhausting and sometimes its really hard to get through the day.  But days like today remind me that it's all possible.  

Making It Happen - The New Plan

I just finished a huge event at work - over 2,000 people at a regional trade show.  Pretty great event if I say so myself....and I am pretty psyched that the evaluations agree with me.  Who doesn't like when their work is validated that way?!

Now that life isn't focused around the crazy pre-event days or the late night work sessions after the kids' bedtimes, I find myself a little lost. There are so many things on the normal to do list but I am struggling to focus my energy.  

Those who know me well know this about me: I do best in crazy times.  Give me 3 deadlines, a school event, house projects, and for good measure - add a medical appointment or two.  I may be running around 15 hours a day but I thrive in that.  I focus, I prioritize, and it gets done.  It all happens.  

Give me downtime and my mind wanders.  I think about the 17 different paths to accomplish one goal and guess what - at the end of the day, I haven't started down any of those paths.  

Is it the fear of the downtime that keeps me from getting this list completed? If the list is never done, there is always something to rush around to complete. Do I just secretly want to not accomplish these goals - are these goals one I THINK I want but deep down really don't? I have no idea. 

Finding a way to keep myself on task and motivated is the newest biggest goal - first step - HOW?! Since I know that I need external deadlines/pressure to "make it happen", I am creating that myself in my office.  A white board - on my wall for my boss, my coworkers and even my visitors to see.  Every Friday, I will spend an hour organizing the week ahead and posting the 5 top priorities/tasks to complete.  Having them up there for everyone to see should help me ensure they get crossed off - because nobody wants to be questioned about why your to do list for 5 months ago is still posted on the wall! 

Today is Friday. Step 1 complete - hang whiteboard. Step 2 --- off to find some Dry Erase markers! 

Back At It

I could write an entire post full of excuses of WHY it has taken me 6 months to come back here.  But really - do you want to read those? My guess is no.  Because you know them; I bet many of you live those same excuses.

Summary: Life happened.  Some pretty awesome stuff and some not-so-awesome stuff. but guess what - we survived (again) and here we are.

I miss writing.  I miss having a place to put my thoughts to paper...or at least the keyboard.  And I miss the thought that maybe somewhere, someone reads this blog (besides me) and finds something redeeming about it.

And so, I am back to the blog.  I have even scheduled time in my planner to write - because these days, if it's not in my planner, it doesnt happen.  First writing day is tomorrow so stay tuned! :)

Transitioning Back To Work

Three years ago, I said goodbye to one of my favorite jobs ever - the people, the work, everything about that position was amazing. My career took more leaps and bounds forward during my time there than anywhere else.

New head shot for the new job!
Photo by Chuck Fazio

My family needed me home part-time and so I was.  Except I really wasn't.  While I drove the Mom Taxi around town for kid activities and ran errands, I was playing post-op nurse for the Hubby and working part-time at another association as well as working on launching my own event business (a dream of mine since......forever!).

Now today, well two months ago to be exact, I went back to work.  Back to the Monday through Friday schedule, back to rush hour commuting, and back to the office.  The kids miss me and I miss them.   The baby is at day care and the two older kids are still home with the Hubby for now as he is still working on recovery himself.

There have been moments but the transition has gone pretty smoothly.  How?

Routine.  We have pretty defined routines in the morning. Down to who gets each kid up and dressed and what breakfast options are.  It really keeps arguments and delays in the morning down to a minimum.

I get up before any of the kids are awake - or at least the kids are still in a bed quiet.  It lets me get dressed and hair/makeup on (aka let's me transform!) before the madness of dressing the kids and making breakfast.

Organize All The "Stuff".  Once I am downstairs, that's it.  I try to bring everything I need downstairs with me the first time so there is less up and down and up and down runs as the clock ticks down to departure time.  Some mornings I manage this perfectly - most mornings I can limit my up and down trip to one extra trip - not bad!!!!! My work bag is packed and ready before I go to bed each night.

Work is for Work.  Home is for Family.  So far I have managed to not bring work home.  I have talked about work but no files or email from home. Hopefully I can keep work from taking over my home life --- close to event times that may not be totally possible, I am going to try to protect my family time.  When I do have work to do (beside the full time job, I am managing my IT WORKS business and my wedding/special event planning company too!), I wait until after bedtime to open the laptop.

Staying Connected During The Day.  The fact that the Hubby is still home probably makes this a little easier.  The kids still have a parent at home and they haven't had to alter their activities.  I get to text or call the house to check in anytime and I get pics during the day to feel connected to whatever they are doing during the day. This will change once Hubby goes back to work but for now, its great.

Focus on The Good Stuff.  Loving my work helps too - I don't dread sitting down at my desk each day and even on those days when the clock moves slowly, I don't hate being there.   I miss my kids.  I miss eating lunch with them and reading books and taking them on daytime outings.  I even miss the madness of trying to get two little ones to take naps at the same time.  I could spend all day thinking about what I am missing but instead I focus on what goodness this transition brings to my family ---- stable income, happier mommy, and the chance for the kids to see that other adults in their life (teachers, day care, friends) are there to help them and love them too.

The honeymoon phase of a new job is pretty close to over --- it feels normal again to be a full-time-working-outside-the-house-mom.  Loving it now and looking forward to more great adventures ahead for us in this new normal.

Friends

We - and yes, I am speaking for my whole family - are pretty high maintenance friends.  We don't want to be but we are.  Over the past few years, we have asked a lot of our friends from needing overnight and long term help with the kids to sitting in hospitals and not being able to help with carpools or outings. 

Someone said one day "oh you guys got this!".  Well, yeah we do because there isn't really another option.  And since we have done this before - this major surgery and then recovery - it looks as if its easy and just a simple process.  Part of me is glad that we are able to fall into this routine quickly (makes it easier on the kids) but what isn't seen is the exhaustion, the pain, the paperwork and bills, the shelf full of medications with a morning, afternoon, and evening routine.  And the loneliness - that may be one of the worst parts. 

Friendships are so hard for me lately.  The past handful of years have been difficult in that way.  I look back and there are just so many friendships that have fallen to the wayside. Some I know why and some I don't.  I see my friends all hanging out with each other and I miss being part of the group.  I hold on to these silly inside-jokes from years ago because they make me feel like somehow, I am still connected.  That somewhere in there, the friendship is still there.

Being friends with me this year meant listening to the current medical issues and hearing me ask for help again with the kids or house.  No part of my life went untouched by the medical and career roller coaster of this year. I was - and frankly still am - so wrapped up in my family's own transitions and worries that I am completely blind to what kind of friend my friends need me to be for them.  I am so sorry for that.

I have been lonely.  I have been angry.  I have been jealous.  This year, I have said no to most celebratory occasions with our friends - missed birthdays, baptisms and baby dedications, and I am sure there are events that happened that I don't even know about.   I will forever be sad to have missed those moments.

I have changed.  These experiences have changed me - they have made me more sure of what I want, they have made me more anxious, they have made me more focused on my family's needs over anything else at all times no matter what, and they have made me stronger than ever.  They have also made me realize what to get upset about and what, frankly, isn't a huge massive issue and therefore not one I deal with for long.  I have also realized how lonely we are - how isolated we feel from the very social life we lived just a year ago. 

I am not good at reaching out.  I am not good at intimate conversations -- I hate hate hate confrontation. I can write and so I do that.  And I hope that one day....well, I don't know.  But I know that I miss my friends. 

Glorious Mess

This quote landed in my Inbox the other day.  I love quotes.  I love to find new ones to kick start my day or to find inspiration in or to motivate me. If we are Facebook friends (if not, we should be!!), you know this about because I post them a lot.  But this quote - it shook me.  A mess?  Why would this quote find its way into a "Inspiratonal Quote of the Day" series??

It's my favorite quote ever.

Every day we all wake up and do out very best to present ourselves to the outside world as productive, responsible, put-together, non-mess adults.  We edit our Facebook posts to only show the positives in our life.  Instagram is just snapshots of the split seconds of our days that are cute, funny, or share-worthy.  But seriously?!  Is there anyone you know that really has it all together?

What we hide from the world is our mess.  But why?  Are we afraid that people will think less of us?  Scared that we won't be that perfect neighbor or the co-worker with it all figured out?

I am a mess.  And this past year, I was the biggest mess I have ever been.  But I hide my mess.  I kept the messy emotions and needs deep down inside --- from the outside, I was managing my career, household, medical incidents, and everything else with organization, strength, and humor.  Underneath, a total mess.  The humor --- can't cry when you are laughing.  The strength - well, I was the sole able adult at our house for a couple weeks; did I really have a choice about putting my two feet on the floor running every morning?   Organized?  Yea, a little.  At the beginning, my medical binder came off the bookshelf - doctor notes, test results, and insurance paperwork was filed by date immediately.  Now, the binder really a folder of papers not in their sections and most definitely not in date order.  But the info is there so that's a plus right?!

It wasn't until a friend reached out and said "I know you are a mess and so I am stepping in to help" that I realized, showing my mess inside isn't a bad thing.  That people understand.  That they are a mess too.  And that sometimes being a mess is better than being all put together.

My mess IS my strength.  It makes me ME.  It makes my days interesting - never know what's going to happen!  It makes me push ahead to the next day, to the next challenge.   It makes me human and life more interesting.

So, let's show our messes - our real glorious selves.

On A Jet Plane

It's the best view in a week. After 8 days in Vegas - working long days at the trade show, I am almost home.

Only one more take off and one more landing until I am home with the family.

First 24 Hours

The Vegas Strip.




Jennifer and I hanging at....where else - Margaritaville!!!!

My hotel room office --- not bad huh?! 

Miss Them Already

I leave tomorrow for 8 days.  Vegas for 8 days.  I know I shouldn't complain --- travel really can be fun, even work-travel.  And let's be honest -- the only time I will ever go to Vegas is for work.  Been there a few times and it's just not somewhere we would go as a vacation. But, despite the loooooong work days of being on my feet and friendly and happy and smiling, we will have fun. 

And I think I have the house.....and kids....and hubby....reday for my absense.  Chore chart is on a roll so that should be easy to keep moving.  Family calendar is posted and updated with the bus schedule, acitivity times, and the Nanny Binder already has notes for each day next week.  Babysitters are lined up for various evenings and birthdya party presents are purchased and ready for parties.

Now, all I have to do is get on the plane and knw that, even though I will miss my family like crazy, this is a good thing -- its good bonding time for Hubby and the kids.  And its good for the kiddos to see Mommy can have a career and be with them as often as possible. 

It will be good for me too -- being onsite always energizes me.  And a little relaxing on the plane won't hurt either!

Back To School Eve

Tonight is much like New Year's Eve --- one that marks the end of one year and the beginning of another.  For us, it's the end of The Summer of 2nd Grace and the beginning of 3rd Grade. ((side note -- OMG - when did she grow up to be in 3rd grade already!?!?!?)).  For me, it also feels like the beginning of a new way of being for our family.

Last week was the last week that Will went to day care in someone else's home.  We loved A -- she is truly an angel and A took amazing, stunning, remarkable, and simply wonderful care of both our children.  We have made a big leap and have hired a nanny at our house.

In an effort to find a happier balance for me, the kids, and our family -- and quite honestly,keep myself emotionally healthy --- I took a parttime job.  Somehow I found a way to do it all --- keep my career moving forward and be at the bus stop each day for Grace.  I also get time with my little boy before he grows up too much. 

It was this way for the last month of school - but tomorrow, it starts "for real".  I have a week long work trip to start this "new life" --- once I am back, I will be at the bus stop, at PTO meetings, and helping out at Girl Scout meetings.  And I will also be creating event marketing blog posts and brochures and graphics.  Maybe this way, I can have it all.

After all the changes these past few years - and all the hard times and all the good times too --- I am so looking forward to having this time with my family, who, in the end, are the most important thing in the world to me.  It's a new year -- and I cannot wait for it to start!

First Step To A New Plan

For years --- well, ever since I started my event planning career, I said I wanted to start my own company one day.  I think that day is closer now.

I had an interview this afternoon.  It was great -- job sounds like something I will really enjoy.  Its in the same type of role I was in before but really focuses on the marketing and promotion of events instead of logistics.  And even better, part time.

Which means when I was asked about my schedule, for the first time EVER, I was totally honest and said "I want to volunteer at my daughter's school.  I want to sign the baby up for the fun little baby gym classes on a weekday morning.  And I want to be able to see my family during daylight on a regular basis.  I also want a career and job that I am good at and that I enjoy doing.  Getting some bills paid would be nice too."

It also means that I will be home for the bus every day.  And I will be able to volunteer to be the End of the Year Picnic chair at Grace's school.  Even better, I will be able to spend some time devoted to starting my own company. Maybe one day I will be able to depend completely on it for my income. Until then, I am pretty psyched to just be taking the first steps.

More later. I promise.  Until then, cross your fingers I get this part time gig; the rest of my plans totally depend on it.

LIving Out of A Suitcase

The Keys were awesome.  Best vacation yet.  I missed the little girl but it was so nice to spend time just Hubby and I (and a few friends along the way) to reconnect and just have fun. 

We are all unpacked from that trip.  And tonight, I will repack for a family road trip this week.  My little brother (well, I guess he isnt so little anymore!) is graduating college.  Its been a long road these past 7 years for him so this weekend is a big deal.  And somehow I got volunteered to pack all his stuff in the apartment for the move home!!!! 

Next week I get back on a plane to head back to FL for a conference site visit.  Sure, its Florida in the spring but its still work and it still means living out of yet another suitcase.

How many more days til June when the travel insanity ends?!

Can I Get One More Hour, Please?!

The eternal struggle - I just need one more hour each day.  I could do so much with that hour.  But then again, when I look back at my day, I realize that I wasted so many minutes that I did have that extra hour - I just didnt use it well.  I mean, really, I didnt NEED to sit and read the entire Gla.mour magazine the day it came in the mail.  Instead, I could have folded that laundry that is still in the dryer or I could have cleaned the kitchen and dining room or even sorted all the piles of papers in the home office.

But I didnt.

At work, going into conference time, I am uber-organized.  Binders, files, and lists are all over my office and perfectly color-coded and together.  The day after the big event, all goes to hell.  My office looks like a tornado blew through - granted its all from the shipment that just returned but still...it looks bad!!

It amazes me that as organized as I can be at work, I am nowhere near that at home.  Things just happen at the house -there hasnt been a real system of organization there.

I am feeling inspired.  One of the projects is to organize life.  Mine.  Hubby's.  Grace's.  All of us getting on a schedule and getting things done so that we actually have free time, not time we are spending doing fun things knowing that we should be doing something else.

Today - I am calendar-ing for the next few months.  At the office I mean.  I started a home calendar a few weeks ago and even though Hubby hasnt gotten used to checking it, I am loving it.  Except when I look at it and realize there is something for one of us on every single day between now and the first week of April. 

With all that going on and knowing that more is coming, I just want to get us all on one page.  There are a few work trips for me, doctor appointments to make for Hubby and Grace, and all of Grace's activities. 

Any great tips out there for keeping a family schedule somewhat organized?!  As Grace is getting older and has her own little social life, it just gets harder and harder.......I feel like we are pulled in 3 different directions all the time.  It would be nice to have actual time to spend as a family, NOT doing errands of some kind.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow!

Tomorrow, I rejoin the working world - commute, emails and voice mails all day long, and office politics - here I come. 

For 3 1/2 weeks, I have been home, taking care of the hubby as he recovers from open heart surgery. Its been exhausting at times, relaxing at times, and there were even times that I enjoyed being home playing nurse.  We had a lot of together time...not really talking about deep issues but just time to hang out.

Now I am heading back to the office and to real life.  Part of me is really looking forward to getting back - honestly, being at home the past week or so has been a little lonely for both of us.  Sure, we love to hang out but I think we are both missing the little bit of social life we had - Hubby's ability to grab a beer with the guys or my work events after the day is over to see all my industry buddies.  Starting tomorrow, we may be able to get some of that back.  Little by little, Hubby is getting that back too. 

We still have a long way to go in recovery but I am hopefully that tomorrow is the first step back to the normal insanity we call our life.

I Know the Grass is Greener but....................................

..........there are some days that all I want to do is pack up my pictures and my "stuff" and head home....to stay there. Away from office politics and away from expectations impossible to meet (cause they keep changing and getting higher and higher!). I just want to be able to breathe easily for more than 2 seconds....just for a little while...even just a day would be nice.

But then again, the cell phone bill, the preschool bill, and the pool boy all need to be paid.

Its A Tough Commute

Part of my job involves networking....well, my job DEPENDS on networking. Its all about who you know! I am part of the leadership in one of the largest chapters in a large professional association for the meetings industry. And I attend educational events at least once or twice a month - mostly with my chapter but sometimes other industry groups.

me on the boat....what you dont see is the glass of wine!

Tonight was such a night at another groups event - the group my mom belongs to. And we traveled across the Potomac River in style........by boat.

Its a tough commute for us sometimes. :)

My mom en route to a work function via boat

Our destination - The National Harbor. That's the new Gay.lor.d resort in the background.

The beautiful sunset on the way home.

Back to Reality

The whirlwind is finally slowing down.

For the past few months, work has dominated my life. The annual conference was amazing.........perfect. Really, it was the best conference I have ever managed. I am still on a high from the entire week.

Our closing entertainment was the only worry I had going into the conference......and looking back, I worried over nothing. Ja.son Castr.o from A.merican Id.ol closed our conference at the closing banquet and he was great!!!! Seriously. I am now a fan.

Okay, back to my busy day off......tons of errands to do before getting back to the real world of the office in a few days.

New Job, Old Ways

This is my 9th week at the new job. I cant believe it has only been 9 weeks....feels like forever. In good ways and not so good ways.

When hired, there were certain items I was asked to do when I arrived on the job. Basically bringing the conference "to the next level" with online registration, budget control, and better contracts.

Yesterday, I presented my registration plan to the other team members involved in that task. 2 out of 3 of them are on board. The other is giving me a headache. Attitude and pushback that just seems crazy to me. But I am trying to put myself in her shoes; the person who had my position before was a friend of hers and she is a tad bitter that person was let go. But it is what it is....move on and let's get this conference done.

I expected some of the pushback when I got here....its always hard to accept the "new girl" when the previous person was your friend. But we are adults, this is business so let's get on with it. However, the attitude is actually preventing me from doing some of my job effectively.

ARGH. Back to the grind today....hopefully, I can be PC enough today to get through this hurdle and on to the next.

Wrap Up

So, I am back in the States after the fun filled adventure to Vancouv.er.

Since I am completely out of energy and am exhausted and am still hungry from the lack of normal food for 3 days, a picture post of the trip is all I can handle today.

Enjoy.

The beginning of the 22 hour journey to Vancouver. We still look happy in this picture.

Hot pirate running in the parade in Seattle. Hey...we may have been stuck at that train station but at least we got to see running pirates!

Hanging with the mounties at the conference reception. Notice the handcuffs on Nicole and I!

View of Vancouver from the Convention Center patio.

What did we do with all our time on the trains, busses, and planes? Caught up on ALL our magazines, of course.

On the train back to the States. FINALLY.

And to end this post, please enjoy a short video clip. THIS is what happens to 2 fairly normal girls when they are tired, hungry, and just want to go home.

Today Sucks

Let me tell you what I hate....incompetance.

I hate that it takes 5 phone calls and an uncountable number of emails to change from one insur.ance grou.p plan to another. Literally, all they have to do is change the 4 letters in the group number field....that should NOT take 4 weeks!

I hate that after 4 weeks, I still dont have business cards and that I am going to have to go to a conference without them.

I hate that my entire day today has been fixing problems....at a hot.el, at the insu.rance company.

ARGH! I need to start the day over.