I didnt realize it until now but my last post was #200!!
And so, here is post #201................
Blah Blah Blah.
Got it? Good.
No, seriously. There is so much going on right now but I dont know what to write. Or if I should write about it. Strange, really. Normally, you cant shut me up but right now I feel so reserved in everything I say and do.
Yesterday was Hubby's birthday. While at dinner at my parent's house (we survived!!!), Grace opened a drawer and found piles of old pictures. Pictures of me and my siblings as children, my senior portraits, pictures of the weekend that my parents moved me into my dorm at USC. Some of them were immediately destroyed (admit it, we all went through an ugly phase and I dont feel the need to keep the pictures of it!) but some of them made all of us laugh. It was nice to look back a few years and realize that, even though most of my college memories are crap, there really is evidence that I had a good time and even some good friends.
I realized after looking at those pictures how much I have changed. Not just better haircuts (damn, I needed help back then!) but seriously, I have changed into an almost completely different person. If I say so myself, I am very proud of me. I also realized there are still lingering things I want to change. I guess life is like that----the old cliche is true----change is the only constant.
I have spent so much time in the past few years trying to hold on to things from the past, good and bad, happiness and anger. Maybe its time to just let go of them and live in my moment. Scary. The only thing I know is the past....how can I walk away from that?
Those pictures last night reminded me that even though its scary as hell to move away from the past and everything you know, its worth it. Look what I got last time I made this decision----a great husband, a fabulous daughter, and a life that, while not perfect, is mine and I love.