Looking Back

When I look back on the last year or two, it makes me sad.  It really does. 

There have been six babies born in the last 10 months among our friends.  There has been so many hospital visits and stays that I lost count.  And there has been other very happy and other troubling times for us and for friends - some that we all talk about and some that no one really knows about.

And that's what makes me sad.

It makes me sad that somewhere along with way over the past two years I have lost touch with myself and with so many people who were, and still are, important to me.  If you ask me why I didnt call or what happened, I am not sure that I could tell you. I am sad that I don't know how to reach out to help and I don't really know how to let them help me either. Maybe its too late.  I just don't know.

What I can tell you is that when I look around my life today, its so dramatically different than what it was two years ago.  There are some things that I am so glad are new ---- my new little man of course and the strength of my and Bill's bond.  But there are things that still bring tears to my eyes --- the summer from medical hell continues to cause serious anxiety and depression in me; realizing that friendships I thought would be there forever are changed forever and they really wont ever be the same. 

It makes me sad.  But somewhere in me is hope that the next two years will be ok. 


Anonymous said...

I just stumbled in to your blog because I was on a search for a picture of Joe Dash. :) he was a favorite teacher of mine, too, so very long ago.

-L said...

I just wanted to say that you are not alone in feeling the way that you do, that you don't know how to reach out.

I am the same way and have been for years. I've let friendships fizzle out in the past because I just didn't know what to do or say. And they just didn't understand some underlying issues that I have with myself regarding insecurities and that those insecurities were what was actually keeping me from reaching out to them. I'm an odd one that's for sure. I've never had a lot of close friends and that sucks sometimes. (I'm rambling)

I just want to let you know that if you ever need to talk I am here. I'm not going anywhere.

PS: We still need to get to Pinkberry.