Never in my life did I think I would be able to read a post-surgery medical report and actually understand 90% of it.
Never did I think that I would have to really and truly think about what "DNR" means to my family - that by far was the scariest moment of the ordeal and one of the moments that is forever engrained in my memory.
Never did I believe that I would have to remind medical professionals that their job is to treat the patient, NOT recite policy to the patient over and over and over again.
Never did I think I would have to pull more strength from the depths of myself so often in a short time.
Never did I think my hubby would have to endure such pain for so long and be brave enough to put on a happy face for our children. I dont know how he stays so positive and patient through it all....I am so proud of him.
Never did I realize how lonely a recovery like this can be but how amazing friendships grow and some relationships are never the same during the most trying times.
Never did I think I would need so much help from my family to simply get through a day - whether its just calling to check in on me or helping with daycare pickups and drop-offs and even sitting in hospital waiting rooms until 3am. We would not make it through the days without such support and love.
Never was I so proud of myself, my children, and my hubby --- this has been the most terrifying, stressful, traumatic experience of my life (and I am sure I can speak for my hubby in that as well) but we have pulled together and our little family is stronger than ever. Grace is amazing -- going with the flow on days when we aren't sure what the doctors have in mind and helping around the house as much as a 7 year old can. And thankfully Will is a portable and good baby --- loves his car seat and stroller and can sleep anywhere! I am learning to ask for help (something I just don't do often) and I am learning who in my life I can truly call for that help at any time of any day. Sometimes learning that hurts -- sometimes its surprising.
I dont know what the end of this ordeal looks like or even when to expect the end. But I do know that we are doing the best we can to move life forward, even if we have to carry a wound vac with us for 6 more weeks or if some of the quality family time is spent playing checkers in a hospital room.
And I know never to say never.