Wedding vows

You spend months planning them out and writing them until they are perfect. After 30 seconds passes, while standing on the altar, they are in the past. Not many of us repeat them over and over and over again. Sure, we remember them but we may not actually remember the specific words; just the general meaning.

In sickness and in health.

That part I remember. Now more than ever. I remember saying that phrase with more meaning and conviction than the rest of our traditional vows. Maybe because the "sickness" part was the subject of so many screaming matches with my mother on why I shouldnt marry Hubby. Or maybe because I could see his mother, in her wheelchair, in the front row, her body giving away to MS after 30 years. Or maybe because I just knew that Marfan's would sneak up on us someday and I would need those words more than ever.

I need them now.

Hubby's surgery went great. His initial recovery at the hospital was great. He is still doing great.

Now is the hardest part.

Hubby look better; his color is back, he can walk around without his "incision pillow" pressed against him, and he can take a shower without getting short of breath. But he cant drive yet or go back to work or do any household "Honey Do's". Its frustarating for him and for me and just plain hard.

My frustaration seems so silly when I compare it to Hubby's. Seriously, what do I have to complain about....he is the one with the 18 inch scar across his chest and belly! He is being a good patient....maybe trying to push things a little but all in all, he listens to me and is "behaving".

I, on the other hand, am losing my patience. If you find it, can you return it to me cause I really need it now! Working full time out of the house, raising Grace and trying to keep her schedule and routines unchanged, making sure Hubby is feeling okay/taking hus meds/has good blood pressure/etc, cleaning up the house, doing laundry, managing day care pickup and dropoffs, and all other other daily things. I am exhausted. I am running until there is nothing left for me. I know I need to relax but I can't. I have to take care of my 2 babies; my big one and my little one; my Hubby and my Gracie.

I just cant wait until there is someone to hang my Pottery Barn ledges. I am looking forward to someone else planning out dinner. And man, I am counting the days when there is someone else to clean the house. (Note to self: Schedule maid service for next week). But most of all, I just need someone to take care of me for 20 minutes. That's all I ask for, 20 minutes of ME.

I remind myself each day...........in sickness and in health......I vowed to take care of him in sickness and in health. Right now, he needs me.

And I am here, with him.

1 comment:

Bri said...

It is hard. And its hard not having any time for yourself and having to take care of two entire people. I totally understand your frustration and wish I could help. I can send you our meals for the week (and the grocery lists for each) if that would help... or just call and vent. I'm totally ventable :)