Not a Friend of Mine!

I had my first real "run-in" with Holy-Than-Thou-SAHM and I dont like her.

There was a networking meeting last night for my new venture, Entertain with Jaime, TOHR. Well, most of the women I met last night were so nice and I am really looking forward to getting to know them. I dont have many friends with kids the same age as mine so thats a bonus to this new business of mine.

However, when we were all talking about what else we do in life (besides kids, husbands, pets, etc), I said "I work as an event planner and am also a full time mom. SO I guess you can say I work double-time". Immediately, one of the moms said straight up and said "I refuse to send my children to day care because I am their mother and I want to raise them. I dont understand why people have kids and ship them off to some other woman to raise so that Mom can spend 40 hours a week away from her family!". I was dumbfounded and speechless. What do you even say to that comment? I just said "Well as long as the kids are all happy and well taken care of, everyone has to do what is right for them." I guess that was the right thing to say. However, I really wanted to say "Look, you dumb snob! Not all of us are wearing Coach shoes with our Ann Taylor outfit and Louis Vuitton diaper bag!!! Not all of us have husbands/partners/whoever making six figures so that we can stay home with our children. AND there are actually some people who enjoy working as well as being mothers!!!!"

I have written about Mommy Wars before but this was the first time that I have really experienced the nasty comment directed right at me. To be honest, it made me feel angry and sad and even question myself and choice. Angry because there are reasons for the choice I made; mainly because we need my income to get by month to month. Sad because I do miss my Gracie during the day and deep down I do really want to be home with her to teach her ABCs and colors and all those things. And because of all that, I am now questioning myself-----can we make it work on 1 income? Would I really even be able to handle being home all the time? It was always assumed that I was going back to work at the end of my maternity leave; did I do the right thing? Is it too late now to re-work it?

After sleeping like crap last night and thinking about it all night, I have decided "to hell with her!". My family is doing okay. Grace loves her day care and the kids there all love her. I finally have a job that is challenging me on a daily basis. We need my income to pay our bills every month. i still question myself-----what if one day hubby and I can finally agree on the prospect of baby #2...if we decide "no more babies", there is no issue because our current situation is working just fine. But what IF (big if at this point i think) we decide to go for it. How can we afford 2 day care payments???? I would have to stay home. So then I would be the complete opposite situation.......now, I have to work to pay bills. IF that happened, I would have to stay home and find a way to make some money to help out with bills just because day care would have eaten my entire paycheck. So, I guess in the end, I didnt really settle the questions last night...just came up with more.

Its an ongoing struggle but that lady was totally out of line! Guess she wont be on my list of newly-acquired TOHE friends!!!

(To cheer me up, I am added a pic of Miss Gracie to this post; just to make me smile and remind myself of why I do everything that I do!)


rhonda said...

I cannot believe that woman said that to you. Apparently she doesn't understand how MOST of the world works.

The way it is today, like you said, if the husband isn't making six figures, both mom and dad have to work just to pay the bills.

You and I are in the same boat. I struggle with having to work daily, but if we don't want to have to live in a cardboard box and grocery shop out of people's trash, then work it is.

Also, i think that our kids interacting with other kids is a good thing for them. It gets them out there in the world. And when your daughter gets older, she can say I am proud of my mommy, she works hard at work and taking care of me.

Just my 2 cents!

So-Called Supermom said...

Well, I think your 2 cents is exactly right and DEFINITELY worth more than 2 lowesy pennies!! :)


Kristen said...

People are just ridiculous. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

Bri said...

Actually, I think you'll have to cut that SAHM a break. Working at home with Ashley has taken away portions of my sanity. I would bet if I didn't get to interact with adults during the day, I'd be totally insane. Totally. Insane. So you can blame her completely and utterly off-base statements on insanity...if it makes you feel better. :)