Someone close to me recently said "It's totally amazing how such a small thing can change your whole life". I couldn't agree more.

You see, my life no longer revolves around me. Stopping by the nail salon to have a manicure after work is no longer an option unless I call to arrange for someone else to pick up the baby from daycare and give her dinner and her bath. Friday nights are spent on the couch folding laundry while the husband and I get parenting tips from SuperNanny (yes, I am admitting that!). And the 11 pm news---never see it 'cause we are usually asleep LONG before the news starts. Right now, my co-workers are in Hawaii at a meeting and I dont mind that I am stuck in VA; I would rather be here where I can see my family every night after a long day at work.

On the flip side of that topic, another friend of mine refers to herself as the "Anti-Mom". I will quote her (hope you don't mind, B!): I’m the anti-mom....I refuse to dress Squeaker in anything I wouldn’t wear (within reason). Which means: no cartoon characters, no silly over-the-top baby things. I hate having every room of my home be “babyfied”. I hated carrying a diaper bag... Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE BEING A MOM. But I totally disagree that being a mom means I should like Vera Bradley bags, wear sweatpants in public, dress my child in stupid clothes. I’m totally devoted to my sweet pea....."

I think I am in the middle of this one. While I dont want to carry a diaper bag with baby animals all over it or ever put a bumper sticker on my car proclaiming that my kid is not dumb, I also want everyone I meet to know that I am a mom and that my daughter is fantastic and adorable and funny and growing up too fast. Its almost like if someone doesnt know that I am a working mom with 2 jobs (one fulltime and one parttime at home) and a great husband and the prefect toddler, than they arent really seeing me. Isnt that ridiculous!?

There is more to me than just being a mom---I am a successful event planner, I have a great marriage, and there are times that I am actually pretty funny too (only after a few martinis but it still counts, right?).

So I am learning that it is okay to go out by myself without proclaiming to everyone that I meet along the way how fantastic it is being a mom. I am learning that while being a mom is the most important job I have, there is more of me for people to see. Some people will see Mom and to them, I will show all the pictures in my purse and tell them the funniest new adventure with Grace. To others, I am an event planner. in charge of making their wedding day perfect. With them, I will debate the pros and cons of buttercream frosting vs. fondant and whether or not an aisle runner is needed during the ceremony.

So yes, it is amazing how such a small thing changes your life. Yet somehow, I feel more like me than ever before.


kba said...

Allrighty - for those of you who don't know me and won't understand what I think an anti-mom is - I wrote that blog based on the "midwest attitude". Everyone here in ole OH seems to think that being a mom is it, that there is no more once you are a mom. I'm part of the evil empire because I work (part-time from home mind you). Jaime sent out a forward about how to be a good wife and gawd damnit if everyone here doesnt think that way. And that along those lines that a mother should be all that and more. I think by being myself, enjoying my life and enriching myself (through work, friends, etc)I am providing my daughter with the opportunity to know who I am. I am a better mom (in my opinion)because I can show Squeaker that there is more to me than being her personal butt wiper. I want her to be able to be proud of me and my accomplishments. I'm new at this whole mom thing (a 6 month veteran) but it just seems like here in OH at least, I don't warrant being considered a good mom because I don't like pastels and baby poop. Argh!

So-Called Supermom said...

BTW---the "how to be a good wife" forward was hysterical. I dont know a single person who still lives by those "rules"! HAHAHA. I guess the husbands need something to dream about at night! :)

KBA--Squeaker is beautiful and you are a fantastic mother, even if you dont like baby poop! :)

-L said...

Great post Jaime! You are a wonderful person and a terrific mom as well :)

allie said...

Hell Yea! I saw rock on ladies. I am not a mom but frankly sick and tired of whatching women rework their every second so that Jr. has every moment of every day planned out and they are involved etc. I'm so for being involved, but personally (as I've said many times lately) I was bathed in the sink for the better part of the first year of my life and I'm FINE. It seems so dangerously easy to loose yourself. If we are setting a 'have it all' example for our kids, esp. our daughters, then I believe we owe it to them to show them in every way. Think of how many walls have been knocked down over the years. And yet women still feel so torn. While I doubt that this will change any time (or ever) soon, the point is we need to show the lil' ones that it's OK to be yourself, including taking time out for you. I also believe that people who are 'all up in their kids grills' are, among other things, teaching them that if they don't get attention 24/7 then they aren't loved. Fact is, we all need down time, and we need to teach our kids that part of our being able to love them includes loving ourselves. And NOW my friends, I will get off of my soapbox :)

allie said...

Ok, one more thing--just want to say that I'm very very impressed and very very proud of you James. I know you're exhausted and probably not always that certain about what to do (at least my Mom always talks about how she didn't know :) ) but I think you're doing a super fantastic job. Plus, I'm so glad that if and when I choose to have kids I have a 'go to girl' for advice!:)

So-Called Supermom said...

THanks Allie! I am doing my best. I am however a little worried about this potty training thing but I guess it is just another adventure in toddler-land!