I took a big step today---I went out to lunch with one of the girls in my office, alone! Most of you know that I HATE my job right now. 99% of my co-workers annoy me, the work is boring (when I have any!), and my boss is not exactly supportive of anything outside work. He actually told me once that he expected my work duties to be my first priority Monday - Friday and my family could come first on the weekends. ARE YOU INSANE!? Anyways, this post isnt about him!! I applied for a great job--a job that I was really hoping to get--and found out today that I did not get the offer. I am totally bummed out. So, I guess I am really stuck in this cubicle hell for a little while longer. If I am here, I should at least make the best of it so I am reaching out and trying to befriend people here. We had a good time. It was definitely a little awkward at first and I am not sure how much we have in common. At the very least, we both LOVE the Mandarin Chicken at Panda Express so thats a start!!!
Its only Wednesday but this week has been very enlightening for me. One of those pesky 2006 resolutions was to take care of my personal life. With a little help, I was able to look at my life (my friendships in particular) and really decide what it is that I need from a friend and what exactly I am able to give. Someone told me this week, "We are adults now and our adult friendships are supposed to provide enjoyment and support, not add drama to our lives". I couldn't say it better. Please dont think that I am saying that I am a perfect friend; I definitely make mistakes and I am the first one to admit that I hold myself back a lot. However, I do think that I am a good friend. My friends are part of my family and if they are hurting then I hurt, if they are happy then I am happy. Somewhere, and I am not sure exactly where, there is a line for me. Maybe its when I feel my family being attacked, or maybe its when I am persecuted for something not in my control, or when my emotional "bank" is overdrawn.
Two friends have asked for help this week in different ways, one angry and one simply said "I have this issue and just want you to know". Funny---I have a retail therapy session scheduled with one and am not sure where the other stands with me anymore. Maybe that old saying "Delivery is everything" actually is true.
So, as my resolution to take care of myself progresses, my life is moving forward and I am leaving some things. I will be sad as there are happy memories in every relationship and I will miss those things. But at the end of the day, we all have to take care of ourselves and our family. That is excatly what I am doing.