Time to Start Living Again!

Every post here feels like another deep thought of how hard life has been here. It has. It has broken me a couple times for sure. I won't speak for Hubby or the kids but I know - just by looking at them - that we have all struggled.

Tonight, the Hubby and I made some passing comments that struck something deep within me. I was feeling guilty tonight that as soon as the little kids were in bed, I poured a glass of wine and sat at my laptop for more work. You see, I went back to full time out-of-the-house career work again, after 3 years of part time and at home work.  It's been 12 days so far -- and I love it.  I feel like myself again. 

But back to tonight -- I felt guilty that I wasn't hanging out with the Hubby, chatting about our days and watching our fave shows.  Instead, I was working on client things in my home office corner.

My Hubby is amazing - he told me not to feel guilty, that even though the reason sucked, we have gotten to spend a ton of time together over the past year and that right now, I needed to work and to get things done.

And that simple comment has me so inspired and motivated now.

Yes, we have had so much time together - I can honestly say that I feel closer to my husband now than I ever have.  He is truly my best friend in the whole world.  We have sat in hospital rooms and just talked.  We have taken the 55 mile trip back and forth to Baltimore so many times that we have inside jokes about certain exits. We created some great memories between all the medical drama. We bonded in a way that would not have been possible without these disasters....so I guess there's the silver lining!

Now its time for me to work.  It's time for me to reach again for that passion I have always had for my career and do re-ignite it.  To reclaim that part of myself.

It may be time for me to be the provider - the one in the office working - as Hubby continues recovery. That may mean that I spent a couple nights a week at my laptop instead of catching Big Bang reruns.  And it may mean that Hubby gets to go to school events instead of me for a bit.   The kids have had tons of Mommy time and they are loving Daddy time right now as he is still home recovering.  It's good for them - they have missed him so much.  

We have a lot of work ahead of us - finding normal life again, re-introducing the kids to the "Mom is working" schedule, getting our finances in order after these years of craziness, and making sure that we, as a family, are healthy.

It's going to be hard hard work.  We are going to have to re-prioritize things and skip treats or vacations for a bit.  Schedules and things may be tight but we are moving forward. 

I am so so excited about really living again - living the life that Hubby and I love, full of friends and fun and family.