I dont like being a "working mom". I made this realization yesterday. It sucks. I have to do it but I dont have to like it.
Conference is over finally. I didnt get that magical sense of accomplishment this time around. Maybe it was because I missed being home so much (12 days on the other side of the USA is a long time!!!) or maybe because The Boss was being extremely difficult onsite. Or it could have been the fact that my conference was in S.an Die.go during the worst of the fir.es. I am sure all those things have something to do with it.
I am exhausted and I realize that is pretty much a permament state of live for me. Work all day, go home and hang up the Work Hat and put on the Wife/Mommy Hat. Even sleeping those hats dont come off. Hubby and I took vacation in Sa.n Di.ego after the conference and we had a blast. But I am still exhausted.
I was browsing the Help Wanted ads yesterday. Not that I am looking but I am interested in what is out there in terms of options. Maybe a job closer to home or maybe one that didnt offer a micro-managing boss. Or maybe just something completely different (though I am not skilled at much else than meetings/events).
I ran across 2 perfect "working mom" jobs......career oriented part time positions within 10 miles of my house. Seriosusly, perfect!!! Stay on track with my career and be able to be home with Grace more often. Here's the catch----the money wouldnt be enough to pay the bills. And that sucks.
My SAHM friends always tell me "you can make it work if you are willing to make sacrifices". I am willing to do that....a new car can wait for another year, I dont need any more Coa.ch bags, and I dont need to eat out every night. But the house is what it is.....that is not a sarifice up for discussion. It requires a large mortgage and mountains of work to get it updated for safety reasons. And so I go to work every day.
I have always loved working. There has not been a time since I was 16 years old that I didnt have at least one job. So why all of the sudden do I despise it!?
Could it be cause its hard as hell to leave this adorable little girl crying at daycare every morning?