My So-Called Supermom Life

Tomorrow, Tomorrow!

2009-11-29T14:52:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I rejoin the working world - commute, emails and voice mails all day long, and office politics - here I come.

For 3 1/2 weeks, I have been home, taking care of the hubby as he recovers from open heart surgery. Its been exhausting at times, relaxing at times, and there were even times that I enjoyed being home playing nurse. We had a lot of together time...not really talking about deep issues but just time to hang out.

Now I am heading back to the office and to real life. Part of me is really looking forward to getting back - honestly, being at home the past week or so has been a little lonely for both of us. Sure, we love to hang out but I think we are both missing the little bit of social life we had - Hubby's ability to grab a beer with the guys or my work events after the day is over to see all my industry buddies. Starting tomorrow, we may be able to get some of that back. Little by little, Hubby is getting that back too.

We still have a long way to go in recovery but I am hopefully that tomorrow is the first step back to the normal insanity we call our life.

SAH

2009-11-20T13:03:00.001-05:00

While taking care of the hubby as he recovers from surgery, I have been able to do some of the Mom things I dont get to do all the time during the day - including attending 2 Thanksgiving events at Grace's daycare and school.

So adorable.

Daycare had Thanksgiving lunch for the parents and we surprised Grace when Daddy showed up for that on Wednesday.

But the true highlight of the week was her Kindergarten Thanksgiving Show yesterday. Video below - I edited it from 17 minutes to just over 10 minutes....seriously adorable. (password is grace)

Thanksgiving Show 2009 from Jaime Barnhart on Vimeo.

Home.

2009-11-12T14:01:00.000-05:00

This is what a happy patient looks like when he is finally home with his girls.

Day By Day

2009-11-09T20:01:00.000-05:00

Surgery recovery is hard. The incision hurts. Nurses poke with needles at all hours of night. Sleep is non-existent. Machines beep. And you have to drag an IV pole everywhere with you for days at a time.

What no one tells you is how boring it can be too. You can only watch bad daytime tv for so long. Magazines get so unexciting. Yes, even the crappy gossip mags arent entertaining anymore.

Today we spent time napping and reading and did some Christmas shopping research online for Grace.

And tomorrow, we will probably do the same thing.

We are both really looking forward to going home to our own bed, our own tv selections, and most of all, our little girl.

Status Update

2009-11-08T21:57:00.000-05:00

Its been a really long 4 days but we are almost home.

Surgery was a few days ago and Bill has made such good progress. Less than 24 hours in ICU and this weekend in the cardiac unit, he has been a good patient. A few more days and we can head home to recover.

For now, we spend our days taking slow walks around the unit and breathing exercises to help his lungs expand. And every 4 hours we push the call button for some pain meds.

We had a steady stream of visitors today. It amazed us. The hospital is an hour from home yet so many of our friends made the trip to spend some time with Bill. We really are lucky to have such good people in our lives.

We are both tired. . We are both anxious to get home but dedicated to waiting until his body is ready. We both miss Grace. And most of all, we both know how lucky we are to live so close to such remarkable doctors that gave Bill new parts so he can live a long life with us at home.

Just Being

2009-10-27T12:54:00.000-05:00

I think there are things to talk about but just not feeling the right words. I was totally ready for it and now that its here, I am getting a little overwhelmed (already!) with the prep work. And its only been 24 hours since the date was chosen. Right now, I am just listing out things to do and trying to cross them off one by one.

More later...but right now, I have to type out Grace's weekly schedule.

Picture - Frame Wanted

2009-10-14T11:30:00.001-05:00

I take a ton of pictures of Grace. I post them on this blog. I upload hundreds every month to Shu.tter.fly and email them out to my family. Even have a great share site now - go visit! There are some great ones of me and Grace and of Hubby and Grace. But very rarely do we actually end up with a decent picture of all three of us together. One of us, usually me, is behind the camera or one of us just looks ridiculous when the pictures are done.

But this weekend, we got one. Finally. First decent family picture in ages.

Is it perfect? No. But we all look okay. Having this picture now is perfect timing......the background was gorgeous, its almost time for the annual "holiday card decision", and frankly, life is about to get a little insane with surgery and all that comes with that. I am just glad that today, I can look up from my work and there on my desk is a picture of my family.

Freeze Tag

2009-10-08T11:10:00.000-05:00

Remember that game? We all played it at some point - at the playground, at school, in the neighborhood. You run around as fast as you can trying to get away or hide or at least be doing something. And then you get tagged and have to freeze in place, just to wait for someone else to "un-freeze" you. Just be careful not to get caught by the "It" person cause then you are frozen in place all over again.

And so we are playing this game again. But this time, the "It Person" controls the schedule at the hospital, Hubby and I are constantly frozen, and the other people who can unfreeze us are all supposedly talking to each other about Hubby but not coming over to "unfreeze" us.

Loved the game 25 years ago. Today, it sucks.

My Lifeline

2009-10-01T13:28:00.000-05:00

My mom will tell you that as a teenager, you couldnt get me off the phone. I BEGGED for months before I was allowed to have a phone in my room....and thought it was soooo cool when Mom and Dad backed down and gave my sister and I our very own phone line in the house. And my first cell phone.....wow - was I excited (til I got the bill!).

Today, we have phones all over our house. If anyone needs to reach me, there are 3 phone numbers to try. And most of the time, the cell is attached to my ear or I am texting away on it. Its my link to my friends, to the office, to my family, and my entire schedule is saved in there...so I think of my phone as My Lifeline.

And I have the worst luck with them.

A few months ago, I had this phone. Loved it. And it was red which was just cool. Then the Phone Monster took control and every few minutes, the phone would turn on or off, depending on the what PM wanted to do at that moment. Sometimes it would charge, sometimes not. 3 trips to the warranty center and I finally gave up on it - traded it in for another brand and model.

That was 4 months ago. I HATE THE NEW PHONE. I know other people who have it; some love it, others hate it. It loses a charge after 2 hours of use (and when you are onsite at a conference, you need much more time than that from the phone!!!). Its re-categorizing my contacts as it feels fit - Allie ended up being merged with one of her co-workers information since their work number was the same. Annoying. The worst part is that I just spent 1 1/2 this morning trying to get it to sync to my work email. Lately, I have simply had the work emails forwarded to my personal email that would then drop into my phone. But then its hard to reply to those emails. I have uninstalled and reinstalled the software 6 times with no luck. Yes, I read the instructions.

Phone company tells me I cannot upgrade until July 2010.....what!?!?!? Thats crazy. But they did offer to sell me a replacement phone for $449. Sorry - not gonna happen.

I WILL have a phone that works....soon...cause I am losing my mind without My Lifeline.

New Road for Me

2009-09-28T10:08:00.000-05:00

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." - Lou Holtz

My favorite quote of all time. One that at one time, I promised to live by. Lately, I have come to understand that I failed on that promise to myself. I didnt live by that. I let my attitude turn and lose the ability and the motivation to do anything but exist.

I am done with that now.

As I type, I am out of town on a work trip. I am surrounded by 50 meeting attendees and one co-worker. None of my family and none of my friends are here with me......I have time to sit just with me and reflect on the goods and the bads, the triumphs and the mistakes of the past year or so - whether they were entirely my fault or not. And I have time to decide what my attitude is going to be when I arrive home.

The attitude I have had in the past is one of bitterness - bitter that I didnt get the wedding dress I really wanted or bitter that we never had real newlywed time or bitter that I cant go to happy hour cause I have day care pickup that night. And know what, being bitter is exhausting.

I have such a full life - a husband that makes sure we have everything we need, a little girl who loves me and who I cannot imagine the world without, a family that is there when I need them, a job that I actually enjoy, and we have doctors that are keeping my family healthy in the face of Ma.rfan Synd.rome. And as I come to grips with all this, I realize that my friends really do like me and are still there for me, even after all the drama I have dished out in the past year.

I have the ability to be happy. I am motivated to move past the disappointments in the past and embrace all that I do have today. And my attitude will be positive as I start down this new road.

Lost and (Hopefully) Found

2009-09-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

I havent been myself in the past few weeks....months really. Okay, let's be brutally honest....I havent been myself in about a year.

I miss me.

Once upon a time, there was a me that was fun and happy and organized and could manage crazy daily schedules without thinking twice. I lost her. She is officially MIA. Not sure I should be allowed to call my blog super-anything these days.

Anyone know where to find her? Cause its time (as my boss likes to say) that I put on my big girl panties and deal with it!!!

Blogs are public domain....I am not going into the details....if you need the details of whats been going on the past year, well, you already know them.

But what I am going to say publicly is that even when it didnt/doesnt seem like I need you, my friends, I do. I always have. I am just horrible at reaching out and asking for that hand of yours.

And right now, a hug would be perfect. Oh, a martini wouldn't hurt either.

Which Way is Up?

2009-09-15T14:39:00.000-05:00

I have so many things to write about and so many things to say and so many things on my mind.

I am happy and sad. Stressed and relaxed. Worried and confident. A big huge ball of emotions about everything - work, life, home. The only thing I dont have right now are words.

Kindergarten is going great - one week down and into the second week. I expected that it would make us a little busier in the mornings but wow - its exhausting for Grace and us. We are getting in the groove though.

Work is insane - at a meeting this week, have another meeting next week, and traveling to yet another meeting the following week.

After that, its time for more doctor appointments.

But that's all I can manage to say right now.

School-Ager

2009-09-08T09:30:00.000-05:00

Grace: But Mommy. If I go to kindergarten, then I will be a school-ager.

Me: Yes, you will. You are a big kid now!

Grace: But I just want to be your baby.

Me: (holding back tears) Oh Gracie. You will always be my baby.

***********************************************************************

Her dress was all laid out 3 days ago. We got her a cardigan yesterday to complete it since its only 70 degrees here already (ummm, where did summer go?). And we had a great dinner to celebrate the night before school....complete with wine for Mommy and Daddy.

And then the morning came.

She was up, dressed, and ready to go an hour early. And begging to leave the house...she couldnt wait to get to school.

We practiced opening her snack container and zipping her backpack. I reminded her a million times about the note in her backpack for the teacher (still nervous that she will forget!!).

And when we pulled up to school, she jumped out of the car, grabbed the closest teacher she could see, and said, "Hi, I am Grace and I am in Mrs. T's class. I am a kindergartener".

She walked into the school and never looked back.

And I teared up....just a little.....she will always be my baby but now she is a school-ager.

Countdown

2009-09-07T17:08:00.000-05:00

Did you see the countdown above?

1 Day Until Kindergarten.

One Day.

24 Hours.

Manana.

The day after today.

My baby is going to wear a backpack, sit on a bus (even though it is a day care bus and not a big yellow school bus, its still a bus!!), and walk through a school to sit at a table with 25 other kids and learn to read!

Her backpack is ready...all decorated with Hig.h Sch.oo.l Musica.l stickers..amd hung by the door.

OMG!!!!

I am not ready for this..........I need another glass of wine.

Lists

2009-08-26T06:35:00.002-05:00

First there was the immunization list. Then the long list of paperwork. Those were all completed in the spring.

Now there is the supply list and the "Dates to Remember" list.

And the first day of school is still 6 days away.

Walking through the aisles of the office supply store last night, there were piles of crayons and pencils and binders and backpacks. Day planners and stickers galore. I love shopping for supplies but......

......buying school supplies for the first time for my child is different. She is now a "child". Not my baby or really my little girl. In 6 days she will walk into the elementary school with other kindergarteners and 6th graders!!! She is going to sit at a desk and learn to read. And develop friendships with people that will stand next to her someday at high school graduation.

She is so excited. I am too - for her. But I am a little sad - for the baby girl that grew up way too fast.

Dreams Come True

2009-08-21T07:33:00.003-05:00

It was hot. The days were long. The crowds were huge. But the smiles are bigger and the look of wonder in her eyes made the heat, long lines, and $6 scoop of ice cream well worth it.

In one sentence, it was magical.

And the only way to show how fabulous it was is with pictures.

The first thing we saw at Disney was the High School Musical parade at Hollywood Studios. Her eyes say it all - she was in awe. She kept asking Mommy, are those the REAL High School Musical people?! Yes was the only acceptable answer.

This is the look of pure wonder, amazement, and real magic. We went to a princess lunch and her face lit up every time a princess walked into the room. And yes, the attire is a result of the princess makeover at Bippity Boppity Boutique in Cinderella's castle.

See, dreams do come true. The happiest little girl in the world at this moment.

Lilo and Stitch are fast approaching "Favorite Character" status for Grace. She was thrilled when we ran into them during the last few hours of the trip. The crown stayed on her head the entire week!!!!!!!

The family together on vacation. It was so good we are planning our next trip to Disn.ey already.

The Happiest Place on Earth

2009-08-08T15:28:00.002-05:00

That's where I will be until Thursday. And I am so excited that I cannot think or talk about anything else (sorry to all those who are sick of hearing about my planning for this trip).

I just cant wait to see the look on Grace's face and to simply enjoy time away with the family. TONS of walking. HOT HOT weather. But more fun than we have had in a long time.

It will be magical! :)

Not Ready

2009-08-07T09:25:00.002-05:00

My office phone rang the other day.

ME: Hi, this is me (well, I really said my full name but....)
CALLER: Hi, J. This is Ann from the County. I am looking at the kindergarten enrollment papers and have a few questions for you.
ME: Sure. What kind of questions?

And so that call went on to talk about Grace's Marfan diagnosis and how the school needs to prepare (or not) for her.

At the end of the call, Ann says "Tell Grace we will see her soon and that her classroom is all ready for her!".

I couldn't even speak after that.

Her SCHOOL? Her CLASSROOM? No, she's my little girl, not my school age child.

Ask Grace about school and she will tell you how much she is looking forward to it. That going to "the big school" is going to be fun. Ask me about it and my anxiety skyrockets!

She will make new friends. She will learn all sorts of cool things. But that also means she will stop being my Baby Girl.

With one month to go, those who know me would expect that I have the school supply list purchased already and a backpack all picked out. Nope. Havent even downloaded the supply list from the school website. And a backpack? Havent purchased yet. Honestly, I havent even thought about that all important First Day of School Outfit - you know, the one that will live on forever in the 4,208 pictures I will take that day.

I am going to cram as much Baby Girl time in as possible....starting next week at Disney World. Cause in one month and 1 day, I will be the mom of a kindergarten kid.

Now, where are those tissues!?!?!?!?

Where Have I Been?!

2009-07-31T11:39:00.005-05:00

Its been almost 2 months since I posted on here. Sorry. I wish I had some fantastic reason like cruising around the South Pacific or I won the lottery and have been too busy spending all the money. Instead I have lame excuses like I dont know what to write about and when I do find something great to post, by the time I sit down to write, I forget what it is I was going to write about. Or how about nothing interested is happening. Or finally, I just really put the blog posting on the sideburner lately.

There.....those are my excuses. But the reality is that I miss posting here so damn it, I will more often from now on.

Promise. Pinkie swear.

I am still reading all my favorite blogs and even found some new ones. Some momblogs, some not - I am diversifying people!!!

And the last 2 months have been pretty good......I will catch you up on all that - Facebook status updates just arent enough so all the details can be posted here and you may find out something new, even if you are my FB Friend and get to see all my updates on a daily basis.

Up Next - the spirited child......read the book, love the book, and some of the advice actually works..................

I Heart NKOTB

2009-06-08T21:14:00.005-05:00

Me and the girls

20 years ago, every Friday was NKOTB day in 5th grade. We all wore all the New Kids stuff we could and pledged our never ending love for these 5 random boys in the hottest boy band of the year. And then one day, they broke up and went back to normal lives.

And here we are.....as moms, professionals.......adults.....all together seeing our boys again in concert. You never really do forget the first band/artist you fell in love with, you know? We all still know every word to the songs from back then. And yes, I will admit - I know all the words to their new album too. What can I say - its really good treadmill music AND I am a sucker for remembering the days before real life started. :)

Enjoy - I took over 100 pics at the concert - these are just a few of my faves and video of one of the classics......if you can hear the singing over all the screaming girls!!!! :)

Jonathan - my FAVORITE New Kid.

Jonathan (with his back turned), Jordan, Donnie, and Joey.

NKOTB. 2009.

Family Time

2009-06-01T21:30:00.005-05:00

We left town this weekend. Opportunity knocked and we did it - took off for a long weekend of family time and a few hours on the beach.

What would a weekend trip post be without photos!?!?!

Grace enjoying a "hot" chocolate at a diner in Norfolk. LOVE the high ponytail, dont you!?
The Diva on the beach.

Look - an actual picture of me!!

Ta-da! A sand castle built around her feet buried in the sand. It was hysterical to watch her try to get her feet free!!! Now THIS is what a tired little girl looks like.

I Know the Grass is Greener but....................................

2009-05-14T16:07:00.002-05:00

..........there are some days that all I want to do is pack up my pictures and my "stuff" and head home....to stay there. Away from office politics and away from expectations impossible to meet (cause they keep changing and getting higher and higher!). I just want to be able to breathe easily for more than 2 seconds....just for a little while...even just a day would be nice.

But then again, the cell phone bill, the preschool bill, and the pool boy all need to be paid.

Its A Tough Commute

2009-05-12T21:42:00.005-05:00

Part of my job involves networking....well, my job DEPENDS on networking. Its all about who you know! I am part of the leadership in one of the largest chapters in a large professional association for the meetings industry. And I attend educational events at least once or twice a month - mostly with my chapter but sometimes other industry groups.

me on the boat....what you dont see is the glass of wine!

Tonight was such a night at another groups event - the group my mom belongs to. And we traveled across the Potomac River in style........by boat.

Its a tough commute for us sometimes. :)

My mom en route to a work function via boat

Our destination - The National Harbor. That's the new Gay.lor.d resort in the background.

The beautiful sunset on the way home.

Talent or Just Obsession?

2009-05-06T07:54:00.004-05:00

H.annah Mo.ntana/Mile.y Cyru.s. Tayl.or S.wift. H.igh Sch.ool Mus.ical. The soundtrack of my life these days. There isnt an evening that goes by, after a long day at the office, that I get to listen to one, if not ALL, of these songs with Grace singing every word.

I cant really complain. If these celebrities are the ones she is idolizing right now, so be it. At the core, they seem to be good "kids" and are age appropriate for the 5 year old. And let's be honest - they wouldnt be this popular if they werent any good.

Grace can hear just a few notes of a song and identify the artist. She can repeat the lyrics after hearing a song just a few times. Hubby has exposed her to all sorts of classic rock (Ze.pplin, Clap.ton, etc) and she can tell you when J.immy P.age is playing the guitar in a random song. Amazing.

I mentioned this to Grace's doc at her 5 yr old appointment last week. His response surprised me - he said that since she has always had (whether we knew it or not) a vision disability, her hearing may have developed faster and compensated allowing her to pick up these details at a young age. He encouraged me to sign her up for music lessons if she seems so pulled to that activity. Which is great since Hubby got her a Fender Acoustic guitar for her birthday.

It was the word "disability" that struck me. Yes, her lenses are dislocated. Yes, at some point in her life, they will most likely require surgery. And yes, every day of her life, she will have to manage her syndrome and its limitations and risks.

But is this music thing a talent she has hidden somewhere or simply an obsession with her current favorites? She tells us she wants to be just like Hannah or Taylor all the time. Is that real or does she just like their glittery outfits and cool dances? Hard to tell at 5 years old.

And so, this weekend the search begins for music classes and guitar lessons for the kindergarten age group. Maybe they have stage mom classes as well?

The New Project - Organize My Life!

2009-04-22T11:17:00.004-05:00

Kindergarten orientation. I didnt tear up once. What I did do was totally freak out! Not over what she does know or doesnt know. Not over the fact that Grace walked right into the classroom without even saying bye to us during the parents orientation. I am in the midst of a total breakdown over how to manage all these new additions to our life.

Backpacks, notes from the teacher, library books, field trip permission forms, etc, etc, etc. My head is barely floating above water now! Not to mention, she will have 2 sets of teachers - kindergarten and the after-school care at her current day care.

Its middle of April. School starts on September 8 - sounds far away but really, just around the corner. According to the ticker, I have 4 months to get myself, my family, and my house organized for the beginning of the next 14 years of our lives. Oh, where to begin!!! The next few months are going to be a crash-course is organization around our house.